DEAR DEIDRE: HAVE I done the right thing after walking away from the love of my life?
We were together for eight years and I loved him with all my heart, but he wouldn’t allow himself to get close to me. I’m 32 and he’s 31.
I still feel bad for walking away
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Two years before I met him, he was involved in an awful car crash.
He was driving and his then- girlfriend was killed.
It wasn’t his fault, but he never forgave himself. He couldn’t commit, so one day he would be all over me but the next I’d wake up to a completely different person.
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He’d withdraw and go quiet. He once admitted he was scared of loving someone again because of the loss he’d experienced.
He could never tell me he loved me. Am I right to stay away, or should I have kept on trying with him?
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DEIDRE SAYS: This is so sad. Your ex is trapped as he has not processed his grief and doesn’t feel worthy of happiness after the death of his girlfriend.
If you can, please send him my support pack on bereavement, which will give him the details of fantastic support groups.
Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677) offers bereavement support from trained volunteers, which would help him forgive himself.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Partner is not speaking to me because I won’t go swinging with her
Even though he wasn’t to blame for his girlfriend’s death, guilt is a very common emotion after a death.
You’ve made the hardest move and split up with him. Unless he can sort himself out and prove it to you, keep walking.