I’m a dating expert – here’s why so many Brits misbehave on their stag and hen dos and 6 ways to stop it happening 0 38

FIRST it was Andy Carroll caught in bed with a woman on his stag do, and now Joe Swash has caused a kerfuffle after being spotted chatting to a mystery blonde on his boozy weekend away in Ibiza.

But they’re not the only Brits whose antics have raised eyebrows at the bachelor or bachelorette party.

Andy Carroll was pictured in bed with a blonde on his stag do Instagram/Rob BeckettJoe Swash was also seen cosying up to a blonde on his boozy stag do in Ibiza[/caption]

While neither Joe – engaged to Stacey Solomon – or footballer Andy cheated, a whopping third of Brits admitted in a recent survey they did while enjoying their last blast of “freedom” before marriage.

And, an incredible 92 percent of those quizzed said they would never ever tell their other half about their infidelity.

Two thirds of the cheaters surveyed said they are still worried that their husband or wives would eventually find out about their sordid antics through family and friends who attended their stag and hen do.

Of course the best way to keep a clear conscience is to not do it at all.

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Sexpert Kate Taylor reckons the way stag and hen dos are presented on TV and in films like Bridesmaids and The Hangover don’t help.

“Bachelor and bachelorette parties have developed a reputation as being the last time you’re allowed any freedom,” she tells The Sun.

“TV and movies portray these events as being wild orgies of indulgence. 

“The reality is usually just a group of lads roaming the streets with a can of lager, but stag and hen dos still have a sexy air of hedonism.

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“Alcohol definitely revs things up by increasing self-confidence and making people much more inclined to take risks.”

Here Kate reveals how you can stop it from happening to you.

Set boundaries

GettyKate Taylor says you should set boundaries before the hen do[/caption]

Before your partner goes on a stag or hen do, be clear on what counts as cheating.

Are you OK with flirting but not kissing? OK with them going to a strip club, but not with them having a lap dance? State your boundaries.

It might not inspire your partner to spend the weekend alone gazing at your photo, but it won’t let them assume you’re “cool” about them doing whatever they want.

Don’t be possessive

If one third of people cheat on a stag or hen do, it means two thirds don’t.

The likelihood is that your partner will return home as pure and innocent as they left.

Texting and calling them 24/7 won’t stop them cheating.

If you feel the need to remind your partner that you exist, then your self-esteem – or your relationship – needs help.

Do stay in touch, though

Send a few saucy texts – nothing emotional, clingy or vaguely threatening, just sexy little messages that make them smile.

Remember the messages are reasonably likely to be seen by everyone on the minibus, so I’d avoid full-on nude photos!

Don’t let them believe the stag or hen do is their last chance to have any freedom.

Make them feel the REAL fun will begin when they’re back home.

Drop tantalising hints about doing something wild when you’re back together but deliberately keep it vague so their imagination goes into overdrive.

Have fun sex before

The night before they’re due to leave, enjoy crazy, wild sex together.

Not only will it create a happy memory to distract them during their lap-dance, but it’ll increase their levels of the bonding hormone oxytocin, emotionally attaching the two of you.

You want them to go on the stag or hen do feeling satisfied and calm, not like a dieting vegan let loose in McDonalds!

This is the perfect time to do that complicated position you’ve been scared to try.

Don’t obsess over Instagram

GettyKate recommends not obsessing over social media while they’re away[/caption]

If they cheat, you’ll find out.

You don’t need to turn into Inspector Poirot, poring over all the Instagram photos with an eyeglass and a wall of suspects.

Stay calm and distract yourself with something fun.

Even the most loyal partner will become rebellious if they feel they’re under 24/7 surveillance.

Don’t be bride-or-groomzilla

People cheat for lots of reasons, but escaping stress is a BIG one.

Be honest: has planning the wedding turned into a battleground?

Are you bickering about buttonholes, or coming to blows about canapés?

If things have got tense, relax with more physical touch.

Hugs, cuddles and snogging all lower your levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) and decrease your blood pressure.

Send a family member

Kate warns that cheating can sometimes be encouraged by the friends – especially the single ones, who haven’t settled down yet.

She says: “There is a camaraderie on these stag or hen events that promises to keep any cheating a secret.

“Some people feel threatened when their friend gets engaged, so they’re secretly keen to sabotage the relationship, or to recreate the (in their mind, happier) time when everyone was single.

“Also, people who have been having doubts about their relationship often use cheating on a stag or hen do as an excuse to finish things.”

If you really can’t trust your partner to go 48 hours without copping off with a passer-by, get one of your friends or family invited along to the party.

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Nothing will pour cold water on a cheat’s libido faster than looking up to see your brother/sister/best mate glaring at them.

If you really can’t trust your partner, I’d suggest breaking things off altogether. Other, nicer, partners are available.

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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