Inside the animal kingdom’s bizarre mating rituals from face tickling terrapins to noisy bladders and flirty belly flops 0 152

THERE is something in the water at this time of year as sea creatures begin their odd courtship rituals.

From love bites to tickling the face of a prospective mate, the colourful and sometimes kinky world of ocean-dwellers is mind-boggling.

Seahorses dance for up to eight hours when mating

Catherine Pritchard from the Sea Life London Aquarium said: “Spring is important in the underwater world as new relationships are formed and the exciting possibility of the pitter-patter of tiny feet — and fins — takes over.”

Here, Sarah Arnold reveals how creatures of the deep turn on the charm.

Seahorses

THEY have nailed the horizontal tango by dancing for up to eight hours when mating — and stay together for life.

Sharks

Amorous sharks give prospective partners love bites just behind their pectoral fins

EVEN the world’s deadliest predator needs romance.

Amorous sharks give prospective partners love bites just behind their pectoral fins.

Well, they do say love hurts . . . 

Angler fish

Male angler fish bite a female before their bodies disintegrate, leaving just their private parts

TALK about being used for sex.

Male angler fish bite a female before their bodies disintegrate, leaving just their private parts.

The female then uses them to reproduce at will.

Cuttlefish

Smalle male cuttlefish cross-dress in order to have hanky-panky

THE small males cross-dress in order to have hanky-panky.

Unable to compete with their bigger rivals, they change their colour to brown to mimic a female in order to have a secret tryst.

Sea Hares

These marine snails are the swingers of the under-water world.

THESE marine snails are the swingers of the under-water world.

They have both male and female reproductive organs and form a chain connecting them all together for mass fertilisations.

Gentoo penguins

All a female gentoo penguin wants is a pebble

FORGET a box of chocolates — all a female gentoo penguin wants is a pebble.

The male gives it to her as a love token and as a sign of his breeding credentials.

Mobula rays

Mobula rays leap up to six feet out of the water to find a female

THE Pointer Sisters song Jump (For My Love) could have been written about these fish who leap up to six feet out of the water to find a female.

The most attractive make the loudest splash.

Pufferfish

Male pufferfish cleverly create symmetrical shapes on the sea bed to catch females’ attention

THERE’S a fine art to attracting a mate — and these fish are masters at drawing them in.

The males cleverly create symmetrical shapes on the sea bed to catch females’ attention.

Terrapins

Male terrapins choose to flutter their front limbs across a possible mate’s face to show they fancy them

HOW do you make a shy female come out of her shell?

While comic Ken Dodd famously had a tickling stick, male terrapins choose to flutter their front limbs across a possible mate’s face to show they fancy them. Tattyfilarious!

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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HEAR DEIDRE

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

IN DEEP WATER

My wife thinks it's unreasonable to ask her to wash before wild sex

THE BIG ISSUE

My boyfriend's completely gone off sex since I gained weight

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL?

My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Alfie is feeling awkward after dreaming about his mate's hot wife, Sarah

DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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