You won’t believe what your sex fantasy really means – from sleeping with a colleague to doing it outside 0 144

WHAT do you lie back and think of?

According to a recent survey, during sex a whopping 40 per cent of men are most likely to fantasise about sleeping with a colleague, while a quarter of women dream about getting dirty . . . with household chores.

GettyWe decode your deepest desires[/caption]

But what do our thoughts during the height of passion really mean?

Here, leading sexpert KATE TAYLOR decodes our deepest desires.

BEING DOMINATED BY A LOVER
You’re an adrenaline junkie

BDSM activities such as spanking and bondage go way beyond power-play.

A 2014 study found being dominated in bed affects blood flow to the brain and releases powerful endorphins that create an “altered state” of consciousness, similar to a runner’s high.

You’re likely to be a thrill-seeker in all areas of your life, and you seek out new experiences. A tendency to get bored easily can draw people to dominant partners.

DOMINATING A SUBMISSIVE
You want to boss the boardroom

A STUDY revealed that the number of men and women who fantasise about dominating a partner is broadly equal, with 59 per cent of men and 46 per cent of women dreaming of taking the reins (or the whip!).

You’re likely to be interested in control in all areas of your life — and you’ll like Succession on TV.

DAYDREAMING ABOUT CHORES
You know how to fake it

GettyIf you daydream about chores then you’ve either binge-watched too much Mrs Hinch or you are finding sex dull[/caption]

IF your mind wanders to the cleaning cupboard while your partner is giving you their all, you’ve either binge-watched too much Mrs Hinch or you are finding sex dull.

It may not be your lover’s fault. It could be you’ve never revealed what you really want, so sex has become something you do for them.

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You might even have resigned yourself to faking it — a 2019 study found shy women would rather fake orgasms than open up about their real desires in the bedroom.

FANTASISING ABOUT COLLEAGUE
You spend too much time on Zoom

HAVING sexy thoughts about a colleague is normal — especially if you’ve been working too hard.

Spending 40-plus hours a week with anyone can leave you either liking them or hating them. Either way, you’re thinking about them.

Research discovered the more often you look at a face, the more attractive you’ll find it. So if you’re falling for a colleague, consider swapping face-to-face meetings or Zoom chats for old-fashioned phone calls.

RE-LIVING SEX WITH AN EX
You miss your youth

WHEN you find yourself taking a steamy stroll down memory lane, you are probably not actually missing your ex. It’s more likely you are feeling wistful about a certain period of your life.

For example, if you fantasise about your most recent ex, you might be feeling vulnerable about dating and missing security. If your mind drifts back to your very first love, you could be feeling nostalgic about your youth and younger self.

Take these fantasies as a sign you are not totally happy with your current situation and shake things up.

SEX WITH MULTIPLE PEOPLE
You’re a good laugh

GettyIf you’re fantasising about having sex with multiple people at once, say in an orgy, chances are you’re highly extroverted[/caption]

IF you are fantasising about having sex with multiple people at different times, it might be you’re looking for validation or confirmation of your self-worth from an outside source.

But if you’re fantasising about having sex with multiple people at once, say in an orgy, chances are you’re highly extroverted. Other signs will be that you’re talkative and have a good sense of humour.

A SAME-SEX ENCOUNTER
You need to take sex into your own hands (literally)

ACCORDING to social psychologists, same-sex fantasies are much more common in women than men.

But whether you’re a guy or a girl, they can signify that you haven’t embraced your own sexuality yet.

A same-sex stand-in represents you and all your sexiness, and is an imaginary way to explore yourself.

The takeaway? See this fantasy as a sign that you need to celebrate your body, desires and sex drive. Try a weekend of “self care”.

HAVING SEX IN PUBLIC
You worry too much about what other people think

FRUSTRATIONS you feel in everyday life can often show up in your naughty daydreams.

So when you fantasise about indulging in full view of the world, it’s a clue you’ve been spending too much time worrying about what people think of you.

The flip side of this fantasy is voyeurism — watching someone else without their knowledge. A study found 54 per cent of men fantasise about watching someone in secret. That can reveal a need for power.

SEX WITH A STRANGER
You’re a people pleaser

GettyYou’re most likely to dream of sex with a stranger if you are a people-pleaser who puts a partner’s needs first[/caption]

SEX with a stranger can help a person focus on experimentation. It can take away feelings of inhibition, allowing you to play out your desires without judgment.

You’re most likely to dream of sex with a stranger if you are a people-pleaser who puts a partner’s needs first. It might be your wake-up call that you need to be more selfish between the sheets.

SEX IN A ROMANTIC LOCATION
You have a fear of abandonment

THE more perfect your sexual fantasies, the more of a worrier you might be in your relationship. A research study tracked 48 couples’ sexual fantasies over three weeks.

It found that participants with an anxious attachment style — meaning they felt fearful when in a relationship — tended to fantasise mostly about sexual encounters that included plenty of perfection and intimacy, especially if the relationship was tense or they had argued

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 41

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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