I’m obsessed with tracking down my husband’s mistresses 0 45

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE I discovered my husband has been cheating on me, I’ve become obsessed with tracking down his other women.

I’m 34 and he is 36, but his type appears to be women in their 50s and 60s — who certainly look their age.

It’s like he is two different people, and I don’t know one of them

I feel so hurt and confused.

We’ve been married for seven years and have a son aged four.

I had no idea anything was up until I found dodgy messages on his phone, which led me to videos on a swingers’ website.

What I saw rocked my world. Every single video he’d watched focused on much older women.

Without exception, they were all wearing trampy clothes and had badly dyed hair.

Even worse, the messages showed he had had sex with some of them.

I confronted him about this and he begged forgiveness, saying it was just a one-off.

But I know he’s lying, as there were several women.

It’s like he is two different people, and I don’t know one of them — the sleazy, sex-mad cheat.

We’ve always had a very active and enjoyable sex life, so it’s not as if he needed to look elsewhere.

I feel sick thinking about the times we’ve had sex without using condoms, knowing that he was sleeping with them too.

At night, I lie awake tormenting myself.

I want to know every detail of what he did, and with whom, and I want to talk to these women to find out what they have that I don’t.

But he’s now unsubscribed from the website and deleted the messages, so I can’t.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

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He’s always been a loving partner and a fantastic dad.

Now it feels like he’s destroyed our relationship and our family.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve had a horrendous shock and are reeling.

Some men cheat with seemingly out-of-character behaviour, after they had appeared to be the perfect husband.

This comes from a fear of losing all identity, and cheating is their one way of expressing themselves.

Your husband has destroyed your trust and made you now question everything.

Tell him how you’re feeling. Say you need to understand his desire for older women.

It could be as simple as that he goes for a completely different type to you to keep the two entirely separate in his mind.

You were happy before you discovered his infidelities, and you have a child to think about.

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You would benefit from sexual and relationship counselling – alone and/or together. The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk, 020 8543 2707) will help you find help.

Please also have a full sexual health check. He must do this, too. Find your local clinic on nhs.uk.

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 41

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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