DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner has been having an affair with my niece for four months during which time they made me feel like I was losing the plot.
Of course the affair hurts, but it is the bare-faced lies that have cut me the deepest.
My partner has been having an affair with my niece for four months
Last week my niece sent me a text which read: “I’m really sorry, Auntie, I do love you, but we ARE having a relationship.”
I’m so gutted.
I have been with my partner for ten years. I’m 55 and he’s 57. My niece is 32.
She’d been spending more time at our house as she and her mum, my sister, don’t always see eye to eye, and I have been there to support her.
Over time, I noticed my niece and partner seemed to be getting closer.
They even went to a festival together recently when I couldn’t go because of work.
I repeatedly questioned them about their relationship, but they kept reassuring me there was nothing to worry about.
But it all got too much for me after they’d spent a day together in London and I went nuts.
I asked them outright whether they were having an affair. My partner denied it and my niece swore on my life.
I thought I was going to have a breakdown and a couple of times I found myself standing and staring in front of the railway tracks near my home, thinking about ending my life.
I am trying to forgive them but I’m still hurting. I don’t know if I can get past it.
They made me feel like I was losing the plot when I questioned them.
To make matters worse my sister has blamed me for their affair because my relationship with my partner was very up and down.
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She accused me of driving my partner into the arms of her daughter.
I feel so alone and hurt.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You have been dealt a dreadful blow, betrayed by two people you should have been able to trust.
Your partner took the coward’s way out, relying on your niece to tell you.
There is no magic wand but gradually, over time, people do recover and sometimes find they can be happy again.
Make use of your friends and talk to a counsellor, who will help you to accept what has happened and move on.
Get in touch with tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960) who will be able to help.
My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help too but talk to your doctor if you have suicidal thoughts again.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Jay tries to win his girlfriend’s mum Tanya over
Your sister’s blaming you because she can’t face up to the problems in her own relationship with her daughter.
When the dust settles I hope you can be reconciled.