My partner has been having an affair with my niece – but it’s the lies which have cut the deepest 0 43

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner has been having an affair with my niece for four months during which time they made me feel like I was losing the plot.

Of course the affair hurts, but it is the bare-faced lies that have cut me the deepest.

My partner has been having an affair with my niece for four months

Last week my niece sent me a text which read: “I’m really sorry, Auntie, I do love you, but we ARE having a relationship.”

I’m so gutted.

I have been with my partner for ten years. I’m 55 and he’s 57. My niece is 32.

She’d been spending more time at our house as she and her mum, my sister, don’t always see eye to eye, and I have been there to support her.

Over time, I noticed my niece and partner seemed to be getting closer.

They even went to a festival together recently when I couldn’t go because of work.

I repeatedly questioned them about their relationship, but they kept reassuring me there was nothing to worry about.

But it all got too much for me after they’d spent a day together in London and I went nuts.

I asked them outright whether they were having an affair. My partner denied it and my niece swore on my life.

I thought I was going to have a breakdown and a couple of times I found myself standing and staring in front of the railway tracks near my home, thinking about ending my life.

I am trying to forgive them but I’m still hurting. I don’t know if I can get past it.

They made me feel like I was losing the plot when I questioned them.

To make matters worse my sister has blamed me for their affair because my relationship with my partner was very up and down.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

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She accused me of driving my partner into the arms of her daughter.

I feel so alone and hurt.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You have been dealt a dreadful blow, betrayed by two people you should have been able to trust.

Your partner took the coward’s way out, relying on your niece to tell you.

There is no magic wand but gradually, over time, people do recover and sometimes find they can be happy again.

Make use of your friends and talk to a counsellor, who will help you to accept what has happened and move on.

Get in touch with tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960) who will be able to help.

My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help too but talk to your doctor if you have suicidal thoughts again.

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Your sister’s blaming you because she can’t face up to the problems in her own relationship with her daughter.

When the dust settles I hope you can be reconciled.

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 47

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 30

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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