How do you know if you’re with the wrong person? Ten signs from thinking about sex with others to skipping parties 0 48

SOMETIMES after months, years or even decades, that niggling feeling won’t budge.

Nikki Watkins explains how to know if you have settled for a less than ideal match.

ShutterstockHere’s how to know if you have settled for a less than ideal match[/caption]

You’ve stopped going to zumba

MAYBE you have lost yourself somewhere along the way.

Georgette Culley, the Sun’s sex and relationships contributing editor, says: “Think back to the start. Who were you then?

Getty – ContributorGeorgette says: ‘Think back to the start. Who were you then?’[/caption]

“Have you brought your hobbies, interests and dreams with you into the relationship or have you forgotten what really makes you tick?

“Sometimes we wear a mask to fit into the life of someone else, rather than being ourselves. This isn’t sustainable.

“Maybe you have an amenable personality and need to shout a little louder, or start making time away from your partner to pursue your interests.”

They skipped your family party

NOT spending time with each other’s families could be cause for concern.

Georgette says: “If you go to family gatherings alone or your partner sees his or her family without you, ask yourself why. Is one of you ashamed of the other or hiding something?

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“Maybe one of you doesn’t see this relationship as worth investing in long-term and therefore don’t feel the need to build bonds with the in-laws.

“It’s time to have a frank conversation and get to the bottom of this.”

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You nod along when friends slate him or her

ALARM bells should ring when family and friends start slating your other half and you don’t leap to their defence, says relationship coach Kate Mansfield.

She adds: “The truth could be that subconsciously you’re beginning to see this person isn’t a good fit for you and coming to a subliminal decision that this won’t last for ever — so your loved ones’ opinions don’t matter.”

AlamyDo your family and friends start slating your other half?[/caption]

You never argue

NEVER bickering sounds like a dream, but Kate believes if a pair cannot clear the air they are not well matched.

She says: “There will be a feeling of walking on eggshells and tension building, yet nothing ever gets spoken about and put to rest.

GettyNever arguing sounds like a dream but Kate believes if a pair cannot clear the air they are not well matched[/caption]

“This kind of avoidance of conflict is unhealthy and can lead to health problems, be­cause unexpressed anger is deadly.

“This issue often manifests in your sex life slowly dying, along with your spark for each other.”

You fall asleep in front of the TV

YOU might think nothing of nodding off in front of the telly.

Life is tough at the moment and many of us are exhausted.

Getty – ContributorGeorgette says: ‘If hanging out together leaves you snoozier than ever, this could be a sign you’re with the wrong person’[/caption]

But Georgette says: “If hanging out together leaves you snoozier than ever, this could be a sign you’re with the wrong person.

“Your partner should make you feel joyful and alive.

“But if feelings of exhaustion and being stuck are creeping in, this is a huge warning that some serious work needs to be done.”

People coo over you being BFFs

BEING your other half’s best mate may seem like a “couple goal”, but it can ultimately make you both miserable, says Kate.

She advises: “You sometimes need to differentiate between your best pals and your lover.

Getty – ContributorBeing your other half’s best mate may seem like a ‘couple goal’[/caption]

“If they are your only confidante you are seeing them in the ‘friend role’ and that is taking away your spark

“You are also becoming too reliant on one person for all of your emotional needs.

“In reality, we need a range of friends and family for this.”

You think about sex . . .  just not with them

MISMATCHED libidos is normal, according to Georgette.

But she adds: “If you can’t remember the last time you actually wanted to have sex with your partner, yet you are thinking about having sex with other people, or pleasuring yourself, something could be amiss.

AlamyGeorgette says: ‘If you can’t remember the last time you actually wanted to have sex with your partner, yet you are thinking about having sex with other people, something could be amiss’[/caption]

“Have you entered the friend zone?

“If you want to repair your sex life and bring the spark back, act fast — try counselling.

“Having no sexual attraction to your other half could spell doom.”

You don’t know how they vote

BEING unable to share your views with your partner could spell trouble.

Georgette says: “You don’t have to agree on everything.

Getty – ContributorYou don’t have to agree on everything in life but being unable to share your views with your partner could spell trouble[/caption]

“But if you are unable to have an honest conversation about politics, your future — from babies to where you want to live when you retire — or even what sex ­positions you like or dislike, this could mean your relationship will get stuck in a halfway house where you never fully open up to each other.

The longer this goes on, the more distant you will become.”

They say, ‘I love you’

YOUR partner mentions the three little words, but do you know why they love you, asks Georgette.

She says: “Do they love your feisty personality, your sense of humour, your drive — or maybe your jiggly bottom, your little boobs or your freckles?

Getty – ContributorGeorgette asks do you know why your partner says they love you?[/caption]

“If the love is authentic, you would know.

“If you don’t know, it could be that your relationship is one of convenience, or mutually beneficial for other reasons such as finance or childcare.

“But when these things change, ask yourself what’s left.”

You’re getting forgetful

EVER find yourself asking them a question you’ve already asked?

Kate says: “Not really listening is a clear sign you are not interested in what they have to say.

Getty – ContributorKate says: ‘Not really listening is a clear sign you are not interested in what they have to say’[/caption]

“Similarly, if your partner asks you the same questions over and over, or worse still, very rarely asks you anything about your life — work, friends, family — there is a clear disconnect between the two of you. It needs addressing.

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“Try putting away phones in the evening and having an uninterrupted conversation.

“If either of you still lacks interest or you have nothing to talk about, maybe whatever initially attracted you to each other has fizzled out.”

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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