Imagine 400,000 people tuning in as you get intimate.
Georgette Culley is told exactly what it’s like…
Olivia WestLacey and Flynn are sex and relationship coaches who have a successful podcast where they record themselves having sex[/caption] Olivia WestAfter exploring their own relationship when their sex life veered off track, they decided to help others by opening up their intimate moments[/caption]
IT has been three weeks since they last made love – not unusual for parents to two pre-school children.
And as is the case for many mums and dads, when they manage to steal a few moments to get intimate, they are interrupted by cries from upstairs.
Totally starkers, Lacey Haynes pulls on her Ugg boots and heads up to feed their 11-month-old son, leaving husband Flynn Talbot on the sofa.
Again (maybe apart from the Uggs) par for the course with a young family. But what IS different in this scenario is that this was all playing out live on Lacey and Flynn’s podcast, with Flynn filling the interlude from their on-air sex session with insightful commentary on the realities of trying to get up close and personal while you have children at home.
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“We’re a couple of 11 years with two children under five,” says Flynn, 41. “So we get the ins and outs of long-term relationships, parenthood and what modern couples go through.”
After exploring their own relationship when their sex life veered off track, Lacey and Flynn decided to help other couples in long-term relationships by opening up their own intimate moments to the public.
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Lacey, 37, from Sussex, says: “We didn’t plan to have sex on the podcast, it just happened. Initially, we were just meant to be talking about our sex life.
“Then I was like, ‘OMG we’re taking off our clothes . . . OMG we just had sex’. Afterwards, we were shell-shocked. I was like, ‘Wow, did we just do that?’”
This was the opening episode of the couple’s hit podcast Lacey And Flynn Have Sex, the first of many times that they have recorded themselves at it, and then shared it with their listeners.
‘Neither of us was happy, there was no connection’
Their podcast has now become a viral sensation with almost half a million listens. “We decided to share it with the world to help others who may be struggling between the sheets,” says Lacey.
The pair met 11 years ago and had a wild romance, moving in together after a month and enjoying a passionate sex life. “The sex was the best either of us had ever had,” says Lacey.
“It was steamy, fun and passionate. We were inseparable and couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”
However, in a tale as old as time, the red-hot sex started to cool down after a couple of years. As in many relationships, there was one party more up for it and the other feigning headaches to avoid love-making.
Lacey says: “Flynn was in constant pursuit of me and I’d become a masterful dodger, trying to deflect his advances whenever he got close. I’d say, ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’ve got a headache’. We became best friends without being lovers. On the rare occasions we did have sex, I’d think, ‘That’s my duty done for a while’.”
Flynn adds: “Neither of us was happy, there was no connection. It wasn’t what it used to be.” Lacey adds: “I’d resent Flynn for wanting something and he’d resent me for not wanting it. It wasn’t healthy.”
Before they had children they were being intimate once a month or less, and their disconnect was reflected elsewhere in the relationship — they bickered over trivial things. Lacey did, however, get pregnant.
While some couples are less intimate in pregnancy, for these two it had the opposite effect. Lacey says: “I’d been experiencing pain in sex and it was all tied up in feeling tense and closed up, physically and emotionally.
We became best friends without being lovers. On the rare occasions we did have sex, I’d think, ‘That’s my duty done for a while’.
“I explored what turned me on and we became very communicative with one another, sharing what we liked and disliked.” In February 2017, Lacey had a home birth and Flynn helped deliver their girl. They had no midwife present.
“It was a great experience which brought us closer,” Flynn says.
That closeness brought a bedroom bonus too. Lacey says: “If we thought our sex life was good when we first met it was nothing compared to how good it was then,”
The pair started to share their journey on Instagram before setting up sex education workshops. Last April they decided to recount their story in a no-holds-barred podcast.
In the first episode, the couple were relaxing on their hot pink sofa — dubbed “Love Island” because it is where they often got close. The conversation starts with them reflecting that they hadn’t made love for three weeks. Things get steamy and Flynn gives Lacey oral sex.
There are a lot of expletives as Lacey describes the pleasure she’s feeling while holding the mic and recording the podcast. “Holding a microphone while you kiss and tease me is surprisingly erotic,” she says.
Lacey then goes on to explain exactly what she is experiencing. Between bouts of heavy breathing, she describes Flynn’s gentle kisses and hands on her body.
“What’s your experience right now?” He asks her. “I feel liberated,” she replies.
Lacey tells how narrating the experience enhanced her pleasure, making her more present.
‘Our families have been very supportive’
“As women we choose to disconnect and become performative, rather than tuning into our pleasure,” she tells their listeners.
After this first episode aired in April 2021, they could not believe the response.
Flynn says: “We never set out to have sex on it. But after that first time we were inundated with messages from people around the world saying how much it had helped them.”
Lacey adds: “I think people can relate to it as it’s authentic. We aren’t performing, we share all the good, bad, and messy parts of sex. We open ourselves up to help others who may be suffering in silence.”
Their podcast has been downloaded in more than 192 countries and has had nearly 400,000 hits. It covers everything from how to kiss to the time they had a threesome with their best friend.
Fans have listened to them have sex in every room around their house, and thanks to the podcast’s success they have ditched their previous jobs — Lacey was a yoga instructor and Flynn was a designer — to become full-time life coaches.
We open ourselves up to help others who may be suffering in silence.
Lacey helps women through her 12-month programme School Of Whole, sharing the things she found helpful in becoming more sexually empowered.
Flynn coaches men on how to build confidence and be better in bed. The pair also coach together. “Our families have been very supportive,” says Flynn. “They thought it was quite out there at first but they’ve got past the ‘OMG you’re having sex on a podcast’ and are proud of us.
“They’ll come over to look after the kids and we’ll tell them, ‘We have to go and record our podcast now’.”
Lacey adds: “People tell us we are very brave for sharing our intimate moments online but we hope it can help people.
“A good sex life impacts every aspect of your life. It’s wrapped up in your own self worth.
“We’ve had students who have completely transformed their lives and got new jobs because they have unlocked this newfound confidence.”
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And with that, they’re off to record their next podcast.
- You can find out more and listen at: laceyandflynn.com/podcast
Olivia WestLacy says ‘We didn’t plan to have sex on the podcast, it just happened. Initially, we were just meant to be talking about our sex life’[/caption] Olivia WestLacey adds: ‘I think people can relate to it as it’s authentic’[/caption]
Red-hot tips to relight fire in bedroom
LACEY and Flynn share their best advice on how to have a better sex life . . .
SAY GOODBYE TO SHAME: START with an exercise and write down what your parents told you about sex growing up. A lot of shame can come from being told it is bad so it’s important to pinpoint where your fears came from.
Then write down the best and worst sexual experience you’ve ever had. What made them good or bad? Was it the sex itself or how it made you feel afterwards? A little detective work goes a long way to understanding our emotions and our shame around sex.
WORK OUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT: WHY do you want to make love? How do you want to feel afterwards? Are there ways you could make yourself more present in the moment? Your intention paves the direction for the sex.
Are you doing it to become more connected to your partner or do you want to unlock new pleasure zones? Work out what kind of sex you want first before you jump into bed.
TALK DIRTY: THIS might blow your mind but you’re allowed to talk during a romp. There’s this idea that talking might make it less sexy. But that’s wrong. You can speak up and it can be incredibly hot to do so.
It doesn’t make you weird, it makes you authentic and confident. Ask your partner what they want and don’t be afraid to say what you like and dislike. Open up to each other about your deepest desires.
DON’T FOCUS ON THE BIG O: ARE you in a situation where your goal is to have an orgasm? Don’t fall into this trap because pleasure is a journey not a destination. We want you to be in it for the whole experience and enjoy every touch, stroke, kiss . . .
You need to reframe what pleasure is and enjoy the moment, don’t focus on the end goal. Contrary to common belief, great sex doesn’t have to end with an orgasm.
PLAN SEX IN ADVANCE: YOU don’t need to be “in the mood” to have sex. You can have sex when you’re grumpy, sad, annoyed, happy – it doesn’t matter. If you want good sex you need to have it even when you don’t fancy it. Get organised and approach your lovemaking like every other social activity in your life.
Plan sex, write it in your calendar and show up even when you’re not feeling it. You’ll maintain a great relationship with your partner and have a healthy, connected sex life.