What your sexual fantasies say about you – from why you want to bed your boss to daydreams of being dominated 0 106

HAVE you turned your wildest sexual fantasy into reality?

More people than ever are playing out their saucy thoughts — with threesomes, outdoor nookie and use of sex toys the most common dreams.

More people than ever are playing out their saucy thoughts

New research by sex toy brand sinful.co.uk found that Scousers and Geordies are the most likely to fulfil their bedroom desires.

But your fantasies can reveal a lot about your life. Sexpert Kate Taylor breaks down the eight most common and explains what they mean.

YOU WANT TO DOMINATE

THIS is one of the most common sexual fantasies for both men and women.

If your mind often wanders into scenarios where you are bossing the bedroom, it could signal that you feel taken for granted in your relationship, or not in control of your life.

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Perhaps your partner makes all the decisions at home.

You don’t feel your voice is being heard, so this fantasy lets you create a world where YOU are in charge and can give pleasure — or pain — as you wish.

YOU WANT TO BE DOMINATED

NEARLY 65 per cent of women fantasise about being dominated in bed, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Dreaming of being spanked or even taken “against your will” is a sign that you feel overwhelmed by responsibilities in everyday life.

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You’re someone who has a lot of influence over other people, maybe more than you want, and a sexy BDSM fantasy is a chance to let go of the reins.

You might even find real sex leaves you feeling guilty or ashamed.

HAVING A THREESOME

A SOCIAL psychologist discovered that the more supporting characters in your sexual fantasy, the more you have a need to be seen and recognised by the world.

Justin Lehmiller studied sexual desires for his book, Tell Me What You Want, and says if yours involve having sex with a couple, you are looking for adventure, not commitment.

If your fantasies involve having sex with a couple, you are looking for adventure, not commitment

If there are a lot of people, you crave admiration.

If you imagine giving pleasure, you feel you haven’t fulfilled your potential.

SEX WITH A STRANGER

PICTURING a nameless, faceless partner can be intoxicating because there is no fear of being judged.

If you go through life trying to please people or living up to the expectations of others, you’ll probably escape into a world where you can let go.

Picturing a nameless, faceless partner can be intoxicating because there is no fear of being judged

With a stranger, you can show off your dirtiest desires without caring what they think.

There’s also no commitment with a stranger, so you are probably yearning for more freedom.

AFFAIR WITH YOUR BOSS

FIFTY-SIX per cent of men and 69 per cent of women fantasise about having sex with their boss or another authority figure, according to Lehmiller. 

If you don’t even fancy your line manager yet they keep strolling half- naked into your brain, what’s going on?

Fifty-six per cent of men and 69 per cent of women fantasise about having sex with their boss

It suggests you’re craving what your boss represents. For example, you want more power. Or more respect.

You know you’ve got more to give the world and you’re scared you won’t get it.

WATCHING OTHERS HAVE SEX

MOST of us enjoy watching sex (hello, multi-billion-pound porn industry) or seeing naughty bits on TV (hi there, Naked Attraction), but voyeurism means you are aroused by watching someone else without them knowing.

This is about feeling powerless — you don’t feel important in life, so you take the upper hand in your fantasies.

Voyeurism means you are aroused by watching someone else without them knowing

But daydreaming about openly watching is different — this is simply a passive, low-effort way to enjoy sex.

BEING WATCHED BY OTHERS

THESE fantasies — where someone sees your naked body or watches you in bed — usually focus on the effect you have on someone else.

If you enjoy the thought of shocking someone, then you are an exhibitionist who probably feels slightly invisible in the world.

If you enjoy the thought of shocking someone, then you are an exhibitionist

If you fantasise about driving them wild as they watch you in bed — you might be lacking in confidence, are preoccupied with what other people think or simply want to be adored.

ROMANTIC LOVE-MAKING

DO your fantasies play out like a Richard Curtis movie, complete with tender words and silk sheets?

You’re likely a big-hearted perfectionist who spends more time in their own head than in bed.

If your fantasies are romantic you are likely a big-hearted perfectionist

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You might also be scared to show your true personality in case you turn partners off.

You retreat into Mills & Boon-style romps, where you are in charge of everything, from the sweeping soundtrack to the exact moment when your prince will arrive.

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 41

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

IN DEEP WATER

My wife thinks it's unreasonable to ask her to wash before wild sex

THE BIG ISSUE

My boyfriend's completely gone off sex since I gained weight

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL?

My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Alfie is feeling awkward after dreaming about his mate's hot wife, Sarah

DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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