I’m a 74-year-old sexpert & think orgasms are the secret to looking young – how to have great sex no matter your age 0 101

AGE is just a number and whether you’re in your twenties, seventies or somewhere in between, it’s no barrier to great loving, says sex expert Stella Ralfini.

The author believes all women should orgasm every day — and it’s the secret to looking and feeling younger.

Age is no barrier to great sex, says Stella Ralfini Sex expert Stella Ralfini says all women should orgasm every day

Even so, a poll by TV Channel W revealed that the older we get, the likelier we are to exaggerate about how much sex we are having — with the over-65s telling the biggest fibs.

But whether it’s a once-a-week quickie or sex every six months, today Stella shares her tips on how to have great lovemaking in every decade of life.

  • Stella’s books Three Faces Of Sex and Sensual Sorcery are available on Amazon

20s: Make yourself a sex bucket list

THESE are the years when we have beautiful bodies, but are so concerned with imperfections we get hung up about showing them off.

Read more on sex

DEAR DEIDRE

I’ve been having the best sex with my ambitious lover – but he’s married

BONK HOLIDAY

The 20 sex hacks you need to get back in the sack this spring

Your twenties are great for sexual exploration and experimenting.

Now is the best time to be open about turn-ons and turn-offs and show lovers how to help you reach genuine orgasm.

Use your best years to discover yourself and don’t get hung up on spectator sex — where you fake it to please your man.

Most of us are forging our careers in these years and if you can nail great sex, research shows you’ll get that promotion.

Most read in Fabulous

HEIR WE GO

Harry snubs Queen AGAIN as he refuses confirm Jubilee or if he misses Wills

HOT OR NOT

I look like a 'slug' & my fiancé is 'insanely hot' – but HE got cheated on

HAZ A NERVE

Harry reveals he wants the ‘right people’ around the Queen to ‘protect’ her

HARRY'S CREW CUT

Harry & Meghan told Netflix cameras are BANNED from palace balcony

MUM'S THE WORD

I had a surrogate baby – it took his family two years to take him home

OVERSHEIRING

Harry to give ANOTHER bombshell interview on private meeting with Queen

HOT TIP: Create a sex bucket list and tick things off that you’ve achieved, from watching porn to going to your first sex party to acting out sexual fantasies.

Be brave and daring and make the most of these wild years.

Eighty per cent of women don’t orgasm through penetrative sex alone, according to research from the Family Planning Association.

So don’t be afraid to give your partner clear instructions about what you like in bed — and what you don’t like.

30s: Feeling stressed? Why not try tantric…

RESEARCH shows that these are the years where our sex life can suffer the most.

Life becomes a bit more complicated as it is often the time when we find a life partner and settle down, get married and start a family.

People’s priorities change and you may not have the freedom you had in your wild twenties — but you can still have a great sex life.

A fairly common issue is mismatched libidos, where one partner feels that they are not getting enough sex.

It can be hard feeling sexy when you’re a stressed-out parent but don’t lose yourself or deprive your partner.

You can still keep the flames of passion burning by remembering the importance of regularly touching your partner and trying alternative forms of pleasure when you’re not in the mood for penetrative sex.”

Life becomes a bit more complicated as it is often the time when we find a life partner and settle down, get married and start a family. People’s priorities change and you may not have the freedom you had in your wild twenties — but you can still have a great sex life.

HOT TIP: Don’t yearn for the just-met sex you had with your partner, embrace the change. It may sound like a real passion killer but schedule in sex.

That way you both know you’ve got something to look forward to — a bit of adult fun every week where you don’t talk about work, bills or kids.

Drop off the children at a friend’s or relative’s house for a while and enjoy one another.

These are the years that are great for discovering tantra. Lying naked next to one another in bed and kissing each other from top to toe is a great way to build intimacy and incorporate a bit of tantric sex.

40s: Stay in good shape to boost libido

THESE are the years when you really come into your own. You’re hopefully more financially stable and in a good place in your career.

If you have a family your kids are likely to be a bit older and less reliant on you so you can indulge in that naughty weekend away.

Personally, I loved my 40s. It was when I really discovered what I loved in bed and l had the confidence to ask for it.

HOT TIP: Your body might not move in the same way as it did in your twenties but if you get serious about your health you can be just as fit — if not fitter.

Research shows that those who work out have higher sex drives than those who don’t, so make sure you exercise regularly to pump up endorphins that help bump up production of the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters, which encourage a healthy sexual appetite.

Keep everything healthy down below by doing pelvic-floor exercises daily. These exercises will strengthen your pelvic floor, which means better sex.

Imagine you’re sitting on a marble and tighten your pelvic floor muscles as if you’re lifting it up.

Try it for three seconds then relax for three.

If you have a family your kids are likely to be a bit older and less reliant on you so you can indulge in that naughty weekend away. Personally, I loved my 40s. It was when I really discovered what I loved in bed and l had the confidence to ask for it.

50s+: Change position. Keep romance alive

IF you’re going through the menopause it doesn’t mean your sex life has to end.

Oestrogen levels fall which means you might experience a lower libido. Many women experience dryness, too. Low testosterone in men usually means their sex drive declines too, and can prove an awkward period for both sexes.

This is where knowledge of tantric sex is useful since it is an issue that should be discussed so neither partner feels guilty about their changing attitude to sex. Sex can get better with a bit of work and the right mentality. You can have sizzling sex in your fifties through to your seventies.

HOT TIP: There are some brilliant lubricants such as coconut oil, and nearly any lubricant with glycerine is good.

Changing sex positions helps too. Stop thinking on top. Side “spooning” positions are more comfortable and the male can lift your body for take off.

You could change the time of day you have sex to whenever you have most energy.

Read More on The Sun

NEIGH IT AIN’T SO

I have to knock down my £50,000 extension because of a nosey neighbour

If you’re no longer into penetrative sex, ignite your senses by watching porn or reading an erotic novel or listening to a audio book.

Talk to your partner about any desires or concerns you have, and if you are in a long-term relationship, don’t forget the romance.

Drop off the children at a friend’s or relative’s house for a while and enjoy one another If you get serious about your health in your 40s you can be just as fit — if not fitter

Previous ArticleNext Article

My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

Most read in Dear Deidre

DEAR DEIDRE

I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

IN DEEP WATER

My wife thinks it's unreasonable to ask her to wash before wild sex

THE BIG ISSUE

My boyfriend's completely gone off sex since I gained weight

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL?

My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Alfie is feeling awkward after dreaming about his mate's hot wife, Sarah

DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

DEIDRE’S STORIES

Maya gets the blame after telling dad about her mum’s secret kiss

HEAR DEIDRE

A new episode of the Dear Deidre podcast is available TODAY

You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

Most read in Dear Deidre

DEAR DEIDRE

I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

IN DEEP WATER

My wife thinks it's unreasonable to ask her to wash before wild sex

THE BIG ISSUE

My boyfriend's completely gone off sex since I gained weight

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL?

My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Alfie is feeling awkward after dreaming about his mate's hot wife, Sarah

DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

DEIDRE’S STORIES

Maya gets the blame after telling dad about her mum’s secret kiss

HEAR DEIDRE

A new episode of the Dear Deidre podcast is available TODAY

Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

Most Popular Topics

Editor Picks