THE bigger the better has long been a motto in almost all aspects of human life – sex included.
Constantly exposed to the images on mainstream porn, most will associate a larger penis with a more pleasurable ride – but is it always the case?
GettyThough not always, a bigger penis can sometimes even lead to more painful sex, Charlene said[/caption] Charlene works with clients struggling to have orgasms, erection issues, painful sex and much moreCharlene Douglas
Fabulous spoke to Charlene Douglas, a sex-therapy counsellor and intimacy coach, to find out if the size of your partner’s equipment really does matter.
Charlene, who has also appeared on Married At First Sight UK, as well as E4’s The Sex Clinic, deals with many sex-related issues.
But among the most common complaints – low sex-drive, erectile dysfunction and struggling with reaching orgasm – there have also been cases where the male clients think the length or width of their penis is not adequate.
”The thing is,” Charlene said, ”it’s so embarrassing for men if they believe they have a smaller penis – sometimes it even takes a while before they bring it up with me.”
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There is a plethora of excuses men will use in such scenarios, but the one Charlene hears oftentimes is ”I don’t think I sexually satisfy her because she’s used to bigger”.
”They’re not saying they have a smaller penis – they’re going to say their partner is used to a bigger size.
”And from then I can sort of work out what it is that they’re saying.”
For the most part, the stigma around a man’s penis stem from porn where their partner – or partners – will have the ride of a lifetime only when the equipment is larger than the average (6.36 inches in the UK).
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However, whilst mainstream porn does play a huge role in how men view themselves, Charlene pointed out that there are also a number of other things that affect this.
”There are some very subtle messages that we get growing up that, you know, a big penis equals a bigger man, more masculine, more attractive to women.
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”You even get young boys comparing their size or they will have this conversation of ‘Oh, their penis is so big’.
”Yes, porn contributes to it, but I also think sex education as well to some extent,” the expert said, explaining that the current curriculum ”will feed the narrative that it’s all about penetrative sex”.
What then happens, Charlene added, is that when women start to have sex, they will begin to assume that it’s only natural for them to want a larger penis – ”cause that’s what we’re told”.
But in reality, a big penis – as pleasurable as many might believe it to be – comes with many risks.
”If it’s too big, it can be quite painful,” said the sex therapist.
”Particularly if the man doesn’t know how to give any foreplay to prepare the vagina.
”Then what you find is that they’re squashing it in because it pleases them and it’s sexually thrilling for them but actually the woman’s in a lot of pain.”
Because there is such a a big focus on a man’s penis, people don’t recognise there are other things you can do when having sex which are more thrilling for their partner than penetrative sex.
We are taught that penetration is the king.”
Charlene Douglassex and intimacy Expert
In heterosexual relationship, she pointed out, we know that women usually don’t orgasm through penetrative sex alone – clitoral stimulation is required.
‘’If he [a man with a smaller penis] knew how to use his tongue to connect with his partner, then he would probably sexually please the partner more than a man with a bigger penis.
‘’We are taught that penetration is the king.
”But if you think about it, in the vagina there aren’t that many sexual nerve endings.”
For those concerned with the size of their equipment, there are a variety of products in the market to help them – but only temporarily.
”Ultimately, the message is that there isn’t anything that can give you a bigger penis.”
Although Charlene did realise it’s easier said than done but it all comes down to one thing – acceptance.
”There are a host of other sexual practices that are just as – or even if not more – thrilling than penetrative sex.
”It’s such a complicated question because I think it [the size of penis] matters for some people – and I don’t want to take away from those people where it does matter.
”But I think once you understand the variety of sexual options available, your focus then won’t be on penetrative sex.”
Charlene Douglas is the UK’s leading sex and intimacy expert.
She has featured on E4’s Married at First Sight UK and will be returning for series 2 later on this year.
Charlene has also appeared on The Sex Clinic, Good Morning Britain and TOWIE.
Her purpose is to help others to enjoy the very essence of who they are and to experience a deeper level of intimacy with themselves and others.
Charlene runs her own private practice where she works with both individuals and couples to help them to learn, understand and develop a better, more fulfilling sexual relationship.
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She works with clients struggling to have orgasms, erection issues, painful sex and much more.
Her work helps clients to unpack what is happening in their mind, that causes their body to respond the way that it does to sex and intimacy.
GettyUltimately, Charlene pointed out, it all comes down to realising there is more than just penetrative sex (picture posed by models)[/caption]