I’m a sexpert – men often worry about their size but bigger is NOT always better – here’s why 0 143

THE bigger the better has long been a motto in almost all aspects of human life – sex included.

Constantly exposed to the images on mainstream porn, most will associate a larger penis with a more pleasurable ride – but is it always the case?

GettyThough not always, a bigger penis can sometimes even lead to more painful sex, Charlene said[/caption] Charlene works with clients struggling to have orgasms, erection issues, painful sex and much moreCharlene Douglas

Fabulous spoke to Charlene Douglas, a sex-therapy counsellor and intimacy coach, to find out if the size of your partner’s equipment really does matter.

Charlene, who has also appeared on Married At First Sight UK, as well as E4’s The Sex Clinic, deals with many sex-related issues.

But among the most common complaints – low sex-drive, erectile dysfunction and struggling with reaching orgasm – there have also been cases where the male clients think the length or width of their penis is not adequate.

”The thing is,” Charlene said, ”it’s so embarrassing for men if they believe they have a smaller penis – sometimes it even takes a while before they bring it up with me.”

read more on sex and relationships

PERIOD PAIN

Half of women have NEVER felt comfortable on their period

BAD DATE

I had the worst date – she hooked up with someone else and I drove her there

There is a plethora of excuses men will use in such scenarios, but the one Charlene hears oftentimes is ”I don’t think I sexually satisfy her because she’s used to bigger”.

”They’re not saying they have a smaller penis – they’re going to say their partner is used to a bigger size.

”And from then I can sort of work out what it is that they’re saying.”

For the most part, the stigma around a man’s penis stem from porn where their partner – or partners – will have the ride of a lifetime only when the equipment is larger than the average (6.36 inches in the UK).

Most read in Fabulous

MY WORD

Meghan tries to trademark word for podcast – despite it being around for CENTURIES

POISON WARNING

I'm a vet and these are nine toxic foods that can kill dogs if eaten

Free rein

I let a tattooist give me whatever inking he wanted on my face – I hate it

What the duck?

I got a wedding mani – my nails were so bad people said I should cancel

TORN APART

I’m 82 & only just been reunited with my Egyptian husband, 36

FAMILY ROLL CALL

I’m 30 and have a 21-year-old son – I never wanted to be a mom

However, whilst mainstream porn does play a huge role in how men view themselves, Charlene pointed out that there are also a number of other things that affect this.

”There are some very subtle messages that we get growing up that, you know, a big penis equals a bigger man, more masculine, more attractive to women.

FABULOUS BINGO: GET A £5 FREE BONUS WITH NO DEPOSIT REQUIRED

”You even get young boys comparing their size or they will have this conversation of ‘Oh, their penis is so big’.

”Yes, porn contributes to it, but I also think sex education as well to some extent,” the expert said, explaining that the current curriculum ”will feed the narrative that it’s all about penetrative sex”.

What then happens, Charlene added, is that when women start to have sex, they will begin to assume that it’s only natural for them to want a larger penis – ”cause that’s what we’re told”.

But in reality, a big penis – as pleasurable as many might believe it to be – comes with many risks.

”If it’s too big, it can be quite painful,” said the sex therapist.

”Particularly if the man doesn’t know how to give any foreplay to prepare the vagina.

”Then what you find is that they’re squashing it in because it pleases them and it’s sexually thrilling for them but actually the woman’s in a lot of pain.”

Because there is such a a big focus on a man’s penis, people don’t recognise there are other things you can do when having sex which are more thrilling for their partner than penetrative sex.

We are taught that penetration is the king.”

Charlene Douglassex and intimacy Expert

In heterosexual relationship, she pointed out, we know that women usually don’t orgasm through penetrative sex alone – clitoral stimulation is required.

‘’If he [a man with a smaller penis] knew how to use his tongue to connect with his partner, then he would probably sexually please the partner more than a man with a bigger penis.

‘’We are taught that penetration is the king.

”But if you think about it, in the vagina there aren’t that many sexual nerve endings.”

For those concerned with the size of their equipment, there are a variety of products in the market to help them – but only temporarily.

”Ultimately, the message is that there isn’t anything that can give you a bigger penis.”

Although Charlene did realise it’s easier said than done but it all comes down to one thing – acceptance.

”There are a host of other sexual practices that are just as – or even if not more – thrilling than penetrative sex.

”It’s such a complicated question because I think it [the size of penis] matters for some people – and I don’t want to take away from those people where it does matter.

”But I think once you understand the variety of sexual options available, your focus then won’t be on penetrative sex.”

Charlene Douglas is the UK’s leading sex and intimacy expert.

She has featured on E4’s Married at First Sight UK and will be returning for series 2 later on this year.

Charlene has also appeared on The Sex Clinic, Good Morning Britain and TOWIE.

Her purpose is to help others to enjoy the very essence of who they are and to experience a deeper level of intimacy with themselves and others. 

Charlene runs her own private practice where she works with both individuals and couples to help them to learn, understand and develop a better, more fulfilling sexual relationship.

Read More on The Sun

BOMBSHELL LETTERS

Charles letters reveal he asked paedophile Jimmy Savile to advise royals

ROM KICKED IN THE ROUBLES

Sanctioned Abramovich ‘begs pals to lend him £1M to stay afloat’

She works with clients struggling to have orgasms, erection issues, painful sex and much more.

Her work helps clients to unpack what is happening in their mind, that causes their body to respond the way that it does to sex and intimacy.

GettyUltimately, Charlene pointed out, it all comes down to realising there is more than just penetrative sex (picture posed by models)[/caption]

Previous ArticleNext Article

My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 47

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

Most read in Dear Deidre

DEAR DEIDRE

I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

IN DEEP WATER

My wife thinks it's unreasonable to ask her to wash before wild sex

THE BIG ISSUE

My boyfriend's completely gone off sex since I gained weight

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL?

My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Alfie is feeling awkward after dreaming about his mate's hot wife, Sarah

DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

DEIDRE’S STORIES

Maya gets the blame after telling dad about her mum’s secret kiss

HEAR DEIDRE

A new episode of the Dear Deidre podcast is available TODAY

You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 30

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

Most read in Dear Deidre

DEAR DEIDRE

I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

IN DEEP WATER

My wife thinks it's unreasonable to ask her to wash before wild sex

THE BIG ISSUE

My boyfriend's completely gone off sex since I gained weight

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL?

My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Alfie is feeling awkward after dreaming about his mate's hot wife, Sarah

DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

DEIDRE’S STORIES

Maya gets the blame after telling dad about her mum’s secret kiss

HEAR DEIDRE

A new episode of the Dear Deidre podcast is available TODAY

Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

Most Popular Topics

Editor Picks