I’m a psychologist – this is what sex dreams about your boss, neighbour or ex really mean 0 119

YOU might think dreaming about getting off with your boss or someone senior at work means you want to be in their bedroom.

But it’s more likely you actually want to join them in the boardroom.

Psychologist Ian Wallace says: ‘People get terribly excited and confused about sex dreams’

Psychologist Ian Wallace, author of Decode Your Dreams, says: “People get terribly excited and confused about sex dreams.

“But really it is a reflection on what you are most excited about in your life and how you commit to challenging your energies into that passion.

“A dream is the ultimate self-portrait, or selfie.”

This week it emerged a third of us dream about bedding our neighbours.

Ian tells Yasmin Harisha what sexy dreams about different people mean.

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Your Ex

YOU’RE ON THE VERGE OF REPEATING AN OLD MISTAKE: Just when you think they are out of your life for good, they come crawling back – in the middle of your dream.

But before you make any hasty decisions to go back there, Ian says: “This is a very common dream and it doesn’t mean you should start texting them when you are drunk, or decide to get back with them.

GettyIan says: ‘If you are in a relationship, it is also warning you not to repeat the past relationship patterns with your current romantic partner’[/caption]

“It’s telling you that you need to become more aware and to let go of old behaviours that no longer serve you.

“It could be that you’re realising you have the choice to do things the way you want to and stand on your own two feet.

“If you are in a relationship, it is also warning you not to repeat the past relationship patterns with your current romantic partner.”

Your boss

IT’S YOU WHO SHOULD BE CHAIRING THAT MEETING: We’ve all been there.

A weird, sexualised dream about a manager at work who you really DO NOT fancy. Or do you?

GettyIan says: ‘Bosses symbolise power and the ability to use that power’[/caption]

According to Ian, you probably don’t.

He says: “Bosses symbolise power and the ability to use that power.

“It indicates that you need to do some self-promotion in your waking life.

“Rather than always feeling that you need permission from other people to work on your passions, this is telling you that you need to promote your needs and ambitions.”

So rather than wanting to be with your boss in the bedroom, you want to be with him or her in the boardroom and you are telling yourself you need to push yourself to get there.

Your partner

YOU’VE GOT HIDDEN TALENTS YOU NEED TO EMBRACE: Dreaming about sex with your partner can never be a bad thing.

But what if you are being much more experimental than you are in real life.

GettyIan says: ‘Sex with your partner is about becoming really comfortable with your creative potential’[/caption]

Does that mean something is wrong in your relationship? Thankfully, no.

Ian says: “Sex with your partner is about becoming really comfortable with your creative potential.

“If you have got a talent or skill and you know how to do something, you need to become far more comfortable in doing that.

“It’s about understanding your sense of identity and your ability to be true to yourself, so you can behave the way you want in waking life, by also doing things in the way that suits you best.”

That can mean in the bedroom too. Time to spice things up?

Your neighbour

YOU NEED TO PUSH OUT OF YOUR RUT: You have borrowed the odd corkscrew in desperate times and maybe he has fed your cat when you’ve been away.

But now your unassuming neighbour is invading your dream. Why is that?

GettyIan says: ‘We all have big dreams and ambitions. It’s about realising there are smaller ambitions that are easier to get to – something closer to home, so to speak’[/caption]

Ian says: “This is about becoming more aware of yourself and your personal development.

“We all have big dreams and ambitions. It’s about realising there are smaller ambitions that are easier to get to – something closer to home, so to speak.

“Are you feeling trapped in your 9-5 office job? Maybe this is a sign to change careers into something you always wanted to do.

“If what you really want to do is become a skydiving instructor, what’s stopping you from taking small steps to get there?”

Your best friend

STOP RELYING ON OTHERS SO MUCH: Being intimate with your best friend in a dream – whatever their gender – may feel strange.

But don’t panic.

GettyIan says: ‘Instead of relying on your friend with that quality, you need to use that characteristic yourself’[/caption]

Ian says: “We create all the characters in the dream and we use those characters to symbolise particular qualities and characteristics.

“Say your friend is really good in social situations and they manage to put everyone at ease.

“That’s the quality you are identifying with.

“Whatever quality you associate with them is the quality you now have the opportunity to use to solve a particular problem in your own life.

“If they are funny, then you might need to use your sense of humour in waking life.

“Instead of relying on your friend with that quality, you need to use that characteristic yourself.”

Your old school pal

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD YOU? Sometimes the most unexpected people appear in intimate dreams, such as an old school friend who you haven’t seen in donkey’s years.

Before you start hitting them up on Facebook for a date, Ian says, it could mean something altogether different.

GettySometimes the most unexpected people appear in intimate dreams, such as an old school friend who you haven’t seen in donkey’s years[/caption]

He says: “This is about becoming acquainted with part of your ambition you have probably forgotten about . . .  or you haven’t forgotten about but it is just laying dormant.

“It’s about reawakening that potential quality, like sport or singing, you associate with your school friend and that will help you rediscover that ambition.”

Similarly, Ian says that dreaming about an old schoolteacher may mean that you have the ability to learn and develop a new skill – whatever your age.

Someone you hate

DON’T BE SUCH A PEOPLE PLEASER: You despise this person. But last night you were sneaking around with them while you slept.

Rather than being about the person, this is all about your inner demons.

GettyIan says: ‘What you need to do is love yourself, love what you are doing and be able to channel your passion rather than just being self-critical’[/caption]

Ian says: “This is an opportunity to connect with an aspect of your potential you would normally try to suppress. It is about something in your life that you might be avoiding.

“Maybe it’s a situation you feel will make other people unhappy and might reject you.”

What would the person you hate do? Would they have the same inner turmoil over the issue?

Ian adds: “What you need to do is love yourself, love what you are doing and be able to channel your passion rather than just being self-critical.”

Your opposite ‘type’

CHANGE YOUR TACK TO GET WHAT YOU WANT: Most of us have a type and don’t give others a chance.

That is until it comes to our dreams, where we might have wild sex with someone who looks totally different.

GettyMost of us have a type and don’t give others a chance[/caption]

Ian says: “Dreams reveal a huge part of ourselves we don’t really know.

“This makes you realise that to understand a certain life situation, you may need to do the opposite to what you’d usually do.

“What usually stops us from doing this is other people judging us, but having the courage to do something out of character might get the outcome you want.”

Similarly, if you normally go for one gender but then have a dream about sex with another, it might mean that you need to change your tack when it comes to solving a problem.

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

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I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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