We’re sex therapists – this is what men and women REALLY want in bed and the phrase that instantly turns men off Comments Off on We’re sex therapists – this is what men and women REALLY want in bed and the phrase that instantly turns men off 311

WHEN it comes to good sex this couple know what they are doing.

Asa Baav and David Chambers, who have been together for two years, run sex and relationship courses across the globe.

Asa Baav and David Chambers have been together for two years The couple run sex and relationship courses across the globe

The duo, who are both qualified intimacy coaches, hold couples sessions as well as 1-2-1 courses with men and women.

David, 37, started coaching ten years ago while Asa began in 2019.

They also run lots of workshops and say there are several mistakes we all make when we are trying to please our partners.

Asa, 35, says: “As intimacy coaches we are always exploring new things, such as tantra and BDSM, and we pass on our new-found knowledge to those we teach.”

Just in time for Valentine’s, Asa and David tell GEORGIE CULLEY the top turn-ons for women and men.

For men

Understanding and compassion – don’t say: “Is it me?”

AROUND 52 per cent of men experience some form of erectile dysfunction (ED) in their life. He might feel like he has failed at being a good lover or a good man and this can affect his self-esteem in and out of the bedroom. The last thing he wants to hear is: “Do you not find me attractive?”

The fact that he is suffering from erectile dysfunction has nothing to do with how attractive you are. In fact he might be feeling stressed and anxious – these are the two biggest killers of erections – because he finds you so attractive and he wants to please you. Understanding and compassion if and when this happens is key. He will appreciate it, and so will your sex life.

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Someone who says what they want

WOMEN can feel embarrassed to open up about their deepest desires but it can be incredibly sexy to let a man know what you want in bed. Remember, as nervous as you may be about saying what you would really like, being a man and having to guess what you like is almost impossible.

Men often feel nervous about buying sex education books or going to workshops due to being judged by the people there or, worse still, by their friends.

Foreplay and pleasing you

SOMETIMES women wrongly think all we care about is climaxing and can rush the sex to please us – or spend ages performing foreplay on us but not let us return the favour.

Perhaps they feel too vulnerable to let themselves go and let us explore their body. But we love taking our time and pleasing you – your pleasure is just as important to us as ours and it’s a huge turn-on to know you’re enjoying sex.

Cuddles before and after sex

A LOT of women think men just want to jump into bed and rush sex but we actually love the build-up too.

For many men I work with, it’s really arousing to be touched, caressed and held. We like to feel your softness and gentleness and love cuddles before, during and after sex.

Someone open to trying new things

A LOT of men like trying new things, and this need for excitement doesn’t stop at the bedroom. We also like to mix up positions and experiment with sex toys. We don’t just want you to lie there and take one for the team, we want you to instigate new moves or positions too.

Some men might want to try a sex party too. As a couple, you don’t have to join in – you can just soak up the atmosphere. A lot of men are scared to open up to their partners about their true fantasies in case they’re mocked or misunderstood.

Compliments and feedback

IT’S easy to forget that men like to feel desired and feel sexy too. Sometimes women can forget to compliment their man and make him feel good about himself. I frequently speak to men who have never thought they were sexy or desired in their relationships and felt shunned or like a nuisance.

When your partner looks hot, tell him. When he does something in bed that feels good, tell him. It’ll help your bond in and out of the bedroom.

Body confidence is key

THERE’S a lot of pressure on women to look a certain way. Women are constantly comparing themselves to other women and worrying about their cellulite or the size of their boobs.

When women don’t feel body confident they want to have sex with the lights off or cover up. But men aren’t looking at your wobbly bits – we don’t even notice them. We are just thrilled to see you naked and love everything about you.
It’s incredibly sexy for a woman – no matter her shape or size – to be confident.

For Women

Definitely NOT sex that lasts for ever

NEWSFLASH – women do not like penetrative sex that goes on for hours on end.
Unfortunately most fellas get their sex education from mainstream porn, which wrongly portrays “good” sex as lasting for ever.

In fact, about 75 per cent of women will never reach orgasm from intercourse alone – which is why foreplay is extremely important. Spend at least ten to 20 minutes on touching, teasing or using a sex toy on her before moving on to penetrative sex.

Someone not worried about size

MOST men are obsessed with the size of their penis and think all women desire large ones.

Studies have found that the average erect penis length is between five and six inches, but put your ruler away and focus on what really makes you a great lover – her pleasure.

Focus on clitoral stimulation and incorporating sex toys to help her over the finishing line. If you’re really concerned over your size, try the reverse cowgirl, where the girl sits on top, facing away. This position gives you complete control over penetration depth and speed.

Not to be rushed to climax

WOMEN are less likely to orgasm if they feel pressured, studies show. Comments such as: “Are you there yet?” put us off and will create stress, causing our cortisol levels to rise and inhibiting our chances of orgasm.

Just as we like to know you are enjoying it when we are performing foreplay on you or having sex, so do we. So make us feel relaxed and that you’ve got all the time in the world for us.

Stimulation of the seven erogenous zones

DON’T guess what your sexual partner likes in bed, ask her.

Just like men, we like variety too, and new positions. But too often we go straight to the sex, so instead explore her whole body.

There are seven surprising erogenous zones that can really turn a woman on – the inner wrist, the nape of the neck, her bum, the scalp, behind the knees, her feet and even her ear lobe. If you stimulate the erogenous zones during foreplay you will increase her chances of orgasm.

Emotional intimacy

GREAT sex starts out of the bedroom. You need to turn on our minds before you start on our bodies. Women need to feel safe and have an emotional bond to fully trust their sexual partner and let themselves go.

Create a safe space for your partner and allow her to open up and trust you. Ask her how she’s feeling after sex and hold her.

This also means you have to be vulnerable too. If you want her to open up to you, you must do the same. When communication breaks down within couples, their sex lives suffer, so it’s important to keep checking in with one another.

Sexual confidence and honesty

SEXUAL confidence is contagious. You don’t need to look like Brad Pitt or have a gym-honed body to drive us wild in the bedroom.

Research shows men who are self-assured are more attractive to women. So many women have said to me they’d love their partners to open up about their fantasies and ask them what their fantasies are as well. The breakdown in communication is a big issue for lots of couples, as David has the same complaints from men too.

Mobile phone-free zones

WOMEN want to feel worshipped, to know we’ve got your full attention and you’re not distracted by your phone or work emails.

True pleasure comes when couples are giving one another their full attention. Eye contact, passionate kissing, firm hugs and lots of genuine compliments are some of the biggest turn-ons and let her know she’s got your full attention.

© 2019 Mervyn Reid-Nelson, All Rights Reserved David, 37, started coaching ten years ago[/caption] Olivia WestAsa says you don’t need to look like Brad Pitt or have a gym-honed body to drive women wild in the bedroom[/caption]

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Managing Relationships While Working in the Adult Industry Comments Off on Managing Relationships While Working in the Adult Industry 299

Navigating romantic relationships can be complex, and this complexity often intensifies when one or both partners are involved in the adult industry. In this guide, we’ll explore practical strategies for maintaining healthy relationships, fostering open communication, and addressing challenges that may arise when one’s profession involves adult entertainment.

1. Open Communication:

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, especially when working in the adult industry. Establishing open and honest communication channels helps build trust and understanding between partners.

Example: Provide communication tips, such as setting aside dedicated time for discussions, creating a judgment-free zone, and actively listening to each other’s concerns.

2. Establishing Boundaries:

Clearly defining and respecting boundaries is crucial for both partners. Discussing comfort levels, expectations, and limits ensures that both individuals feel secure in the relationship.

Example: Offer guidance on how to have constructive conversations about boundaries, emphasizing the importance of mutual consent and compromise.

3. Building a Support System:

Developing a robust support system is essential. This includes friends, family, or colleagues who understand and respect the nature of the profession and can offer support during challenging times.

Example: Share stories of couples who have successfully built strong support systems and provide tips on how to nurture these networks.

4. Trust and Transparency:

Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship but becomes even more critical when working in the adult industry. Being transparent about one’s work and addressing concerns promptly helps foster trust between partners.

Example: Illustrate the positive outcomes of trust-building actions, such as being open about work schedules, discussing potential challenges, and offering reassurance.

5. Educating Partners:

Sometimes, misunderstandings arise due to lack of knowledge. Educating partners about the adult industry, its dynamics, and dispelling common myths can promote a better understanding of the profession.

Example: Create a guide for individuals to share with their partners, explaining the realities of the adult industry, emphasizing the consensual nature of the work, and addressing misconceptions.

6. Coping with External Judgments:

Working in the adult industry often comes with societal stigma. Discuss strategies for coping with external judgments and maintaining a strong sense of self-worth within the relationship.

Example: Share empowering stories of individuals who have successfully navigated societal stigma, emphasizing self-love and resilience.

7. Seeking Professional Guidance:

Relationships can benefit from professional guidance. Encouraging couples to seek counseling or therapy when faced with challenges can provide a neutral space for communication and support.

Example: Highlight success stories of couples who have sought therapy to strengthen their relationship and provide resources for finding qualified professionals.

8. Planning for the Future:

Discussing future plans is vital for any couple. Addressing long-term goals, such as career transitions or family planning, helps both partners feel secure and invested in the relationship.

Example: Offer advice on creating a shared vision for the future, navigating career changes, and making joint decisions that align with both partners’ aspirations.


Successfully managing relationships while working in the adult industry requires a combination of open communication, trust-building, and a proactive approach to addressing challenges. By fostering understanding, establishing clear boundaries, and seeking support when needed, couples can build strong, resilient relationships that thrive despite the unique demands of the profession. Remember, every relationship is unique, and adapting these strategies to suit individual needs is key to a fulfilling and supportive partnership.

Understanding and Navigating the World of Online Adult Content Comments Off on Understanding and Navigating the World of Online Adult Content 285

The internet has transformed the way we access and consume information, including adult content. Navigating this vast and often complex digital landscape requires understanding, responsibility, and respect. In this guide, we’ll explore key aspects of online adult content, helping you make informed choices while ensuring a safe and enjoyable experience.

1. Diverse Platforms and Formats:

Online adult content is not confined to a single platform or format. From websites and streaming services to interactive content, understanding the variety available is essential.

Example: Differentiate between mainstream adult websites, premium subscription services, and emerging interactive platforms, providing a glimpse into the diverse options.

2. Privacy and Security:

Respecting privacy is crucial when engaging with adult content online. This includes understanding the importance of secure connections, anonymous browsing, and being mindful of personal data.

Example: Provide tips on using virtual private networks (VPNs), secure payment methods, and the importance of reading privacy policies on adult websites.

3. Responsible Consumption:

Consuming adult content responsibly involves being aware of ethical considerations. This includes consent, avoiding illegal content, and understanding the potential impact on relationships.

Example: Share stories or case studies illustrating the importance of responsible consumption and the potential consequences of engaging with non-consensual or illegal content.

4. Age Verification and Restrictions:

Most countries have regulations regarding the access to adult content, often requiring age verification. Understanding and complying with these regulations is vital for legal and ethical reasons.

Example: Provide a step-by-step guide on age verification processes on different platforms and emphasize the importance of adherence to legal requirements.

5. Impact on Mental Health:

Consuming adult content can have varying effects on mental health. It’s crucial to be aware of the potential impact and seek support if needed.

Example: Discuss the potential consequences of excessive consumption, addiction, or unrealistic expectations, and provide resources for mental health support.

6. Consent and Ethical Production:

Understanding the concept of consent extends to the production of adult content. Ethical consumption involves supporting platforms and creators that prioritize the well-being and consent of performers.

Example: Showcase initiatives or platforms that prioritize ethical production, emphasize performer rights, and provide fair compensation.

7. Balancing Fantasies with Reality:

Distinguishing between fantasy and reality is important when consuming adult content. Developing a healthy perspective on sexuality involves recognizing the difference between scripted entertainment and real-life relationships.

Example: Share anecdotes or expert opinions on how to maintain a balanced view of sexuality and relationships while consuming adult content.

8. Community and Education:

Online communities and educational resources play a role in promoting healthy discussions about adult content. Engaging with like-minded individuals and staying informed contributes to a positive online experience.

Example: Highlight reputable online forums or educational platforms where individuals can learn more about various aspects of adult content, share experiences, and ask questions.


Navigating the world of online adult content requires a balanced approach, combining awareness, responsibility, and respect. By understanding the diverse landscape, prioritizing privacy and security, and promoting ethical consumption, individuals can ensure a positive and consensual online experience. Remember, responsible engagement contributes to a healthier digital environment for both consumers and content creators alike.

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