I’m a sexpert and these are the biggest lies we’ve been told about sex – and no, not ALL contraception is reliable 0 129

WHETHER you were an A-grade student in sex-ed class or you got a lecture from your parents about the birds and the bees, chances are what we learned way back when is still with us today.

But it seems we’ve been lied to in one way or another and LELO’s sex and relationship expert, Kate Moyle, has debunked some of the most common myths about sex.

Kate MoyleKate Moyle, sex and relationship expert at LELO, has debunked some of the most common myths about sex[/caption]

The ‘pull out method’ is a reliable form of contraception

There are many types of contraception including condoms, the pill and the IUD, just to name a few.

But many people rely on the “pull out method” to help prevent pregnancy, although Kate says it’s simply not reliable.

This refers to when two people have unprotected sex and the man pulls out right before ejaculation.

But according to  Planned Parenthood 22/100 people every year will get pregnant from using the pull-out method, says Kate.

“This is due to the fact that often people don’t time it, or manage it perfectly every single time,” she explains.

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“This means men don’t completely manage to keep any ejaculation away from the vagina or vulva.

“If you are trying to avoid pregnancy you should therefore be using a reliable form of contraception.”

That ‘morning wood’ means a man is always turned on

It’s normal for blokes to wake in the morning with an erect penis.

But contrary to what we think it means (that he’s ready to go a round in the sack), Kate says it’s actually something different entirely.

“Nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) doesn’t mean that a man has woken up turned on, or just had an erotic dream ( although that may sometimes be the case ),” she explains.

“It’s actually a sign of healthy circulation and nervous system activity”

She said that men can experience erections three to five times a night, and these are often noticeable upon waking.

A focus or pressure on orgasm can actually detract from pleasure and create anxiety and even interrupt the ability to reach orgasm, for some people even to the point of causing sexual difficulties or dysfunction.

“If these morning erections suddenly stop then it can be an indicator of an underlying health condition, and it’s worth discussing with your doctor.”

Sex has to end in orgasm

Orgasms can be a part of sex and sexual experiences, but they aren’t a necessity, Kate reveals.

She explains: “Both partners are able to experience pleasure, satisfaction and enjoyment from sex without orgasm.

“A focus or pressure on orgasm can actually detract from pleasure and create anxiety and even interrupt the ability to reach orgasm, for some people even to the point of causing sexual difficulties or dysfunction.

“It means that sex can become goal-orientated and so we focus on the goal or what we think we need to achieve rather than the experience itself.”

If you or your partner has an STI then you will definitely know, so you don’t need to check unless you have symptoms

According to the sex expert, not all STIs are visible, so you can’t assume that you or your partner will “just know”.

She explains: “Anyone who is having unprotected sex – not just intercourse but other forms of sex like oral sex -can catch an STI.

“Some STI’s are symptomless and so it’s a good idea to test regularly, which can easily be done by visiting a sexual health clinic, or using a home testing kit.”

She strongly advises that you protect yourself by using a form of contraception like condoms.

Particularly if you’re having sex with a new partner and you don’t know their status.

Spontaneous sex is the best sex

We can probably blame Hollywood for making us think this is true with spontaneous, passionate romps representing the majority of sexual encounters we see.

Although “spontaneous sex gets a lot of hype” Kate reckons it takes away from regular planned or routine sex which is actually the norm for most couples.

She explains: “The hype is likely because it’s a lot of what we see reflected in the movies and on our screens, but also because it’s the type of sex that we might have more of at the start of a relationship when we are exploring and getting to know each other and we see that responsive desire is high.

“But the reality is thinking of this as the ‘holy grail’ can mean that we devalue sex which might be less spontaneous, more routine or planned and this shouldn’t be the case.”

If it’s not intercourse, it’s not sex

When people say sex, most automatically think penetrative, but Kate says we should have a more “open minded approach” as this is just one form.

“A focus on pleasure rather than a certain type of sex can open up a world of possibilities for our sex lives, and moves the narrative to doing what feels good, rather than just doing what you think you ‘should’ be doing,” she explains.

You can get addicted to your vibrator

Like anything in life we can habituate or get used to something, but this is different to having an addiction, Kate says.

So if you’ve ever been told you can get addicted to your sex toy then don’t believe a word of it, because the expert reckons it’s far from true.

She says: “Sex toys can be a great tool for your sex life whether coupled, single or both.

“We can get caught up in routines and what this may mean is that we then find it harder to achieve the same level of pleasure in other ways, but this isn’t exclusive to sex toys.”

Kate says it’s a good idea to mix things up when it comes to your sexlife and try not to always do things the same way.

She continues: “What can happen is that we find sex toys the easiest way to achieve orgasm and so we start to use them as our default ( many people are also less inhibited on their own rather than with a partner present ) but even this thinking can impact us sexually.

“So there is no reason to give yourself a hard time about it, rather than to appreciate all the different ways in which you can have pleasurable and enjoyable experiences both on your own and with a partner.”

GettyWhat we know about sex might not be true, according to the expert[/caption]

In other relationship news, a sexpert revealed the most common mistakes they ALWAYS see couples make in bed – so how many are YOU guilty of?

We recently revealed how often most people are having sex & how to make sure you’re hitting the mark.

And this sexpert shared the sex positions she’d never do – and you’ve probably tried out this one very common one.

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 41

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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