I’m a relationship expert – people think low sex drive is the biggest problem couples have but this is what it REALLY is 0 155

AS MUCH as we all hope for a happily ever after, couples are bound to encounter a rough patch or two throughout their time together.

Lack of intimacy is one of the biggest issues many married couples face, and as your healthy (and mindblowing) sex life begins to dwindle so does the connection you once had.

GettyThere are many reasons why couples fight but there’s one, in particular, most are guilty of[/caption]

“One couple might initiate their need for intimacy more than the other – it might be about holding hands in public, or making a suggestion for sex,” explains Lucy Beresford, psychotherapist and author of Happy Relationships.

“But if the bids for connection are repeatedly rebuffed, this can cause serious hurt.”

While a decrease of sexual desire is certainly a common issue, it’s not the biggest one, according to the experts – and we should actually be looking at the smaller things we do on a daily basis.

“There is lots of information around on what constitutes the most common problems people encounter in their relationships, with arguing, money, infidelity, growing apart, boredom and sex usually appearing in the top 10,” Jenny Porter and Anna Cantwell, Relationship Counsellors at Marriage Care told Fabulous.

“All of these though most likely have a common thread, and that is poor communication.”

Once a couple loses the ability to talk with one another, they will inevitably start to encounter issues elsewhere in their relationship, the experts warn, especially if this becomes a prolonged loss of connection. 

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Luckily, though, you can prevent these issues from arising to begin with by “prioritising time and space to talk”.

“This is something that for some has suffered through the pandemic,” Jenny and Anna explain.

“Although we have been spending more time with our partners, the reduced contact with friends, family and work colleagues, may leave us feeling we have less to talk about.

“More time in the home together may also be leading to more friction around household chores and child care.

“Also with children being around more, there can be less opportunity for time alone.

“If this disconnect is left to develop, couples can find themselves feeling alone and isolated from their partner and that is when issues can start to develop, or cracks that were already there may widen.”

Some couples believe that they communicate brilliantly but they still end up having rows about the same thing.

Lucy BeresfordHappy Relationships author

Lucy, who’s also a broadcaster and panellist, agrees saying most couples fail to communicate properly then fail to fix it.

She says: “Some couples believe that they communicate brilliantly but they still end up having rows about the same thing. They think they are talking about the problem they have today, but really they are re-hashing old hurts and unresolved conflicts”

In addition to this, the author says it’s common for married couples to develop “grooves” in their relationship.

These “grooves” make them feel confident and secure in their relationship but they can be the very thing that cause tension or friction.

“Often one person will be the one who always makes supper while the other is the one who always puts out the bins. But if one person ends up doing all the chores it can lead to resentment,” explains Lucy.

Meanwhile, “willful blindness” can be just as troublesome with Lucy adding:”Not seeing that the socks on the floor won’t make it into the laundry basket on their own, or that the item left on the stairs won’t make it to the top floor unaided, can really cause tension.”

In other relationship-related news, a sexpert revealed the biggest lies we’ve been told about sex – and no, not ALL contraception is reliable.

Plus a sexpert revealed the most common mistakes they ALWAYS see couples make in bed – so how many are YOU guilty of?

We recently revealed how often most people are having sex & how to make sure you’re hitting the mark.

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 47

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 30

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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