DEAR DEIDRE: MY lying husband has been leading a double life for the past 15 years.
The truth came out last month when he announced he’d bought a flat and was moving out.
He told me the affair was over a decade ago but has been carrying on
An affair I thought had ended more than a decade ago has been going strong and now they’re setting up home ahead of the birth of their new baby.
I’m 44 and my husband’s 46.
I was devastated when I discovered he was cheating with a colleague just as I became pregnant with our second daughter 14 years ago.
Their affair had been going on for two years. He blamed it on struggling with our first baby and the pressure of providing for the family.
I couldn’t believe he’d made me pregnant while having sex with another woman.
I told him I couldn’t trust him but he begged to stay together, so we carried on.
I never fully forgave him though. We weren’t a couple, we were two parents living together.
And unbeknown to me, the affair began again.
His lover, now 38, has split up with her partner and she’s eight months pregnant with my husband’s child.
I have read many WhatsApp messages between them where he has painted an awful picture of me and made himself sound like a fantastic dad.
I can’t forgive all the deceit. I’ve told my daughters, now 17 and 15, about their dad.
I felt they needed to know why we didn’t get on, why their dad was so moody and why he was always on his phone.
Our daughters don’t have a good relationship with him.
My husband wants them to be part of his new family and his partner wants to meet me. I’m horrified at this.
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They’ve destroyed my life and they want me to accept their new family.
My girls don’t want to be part of it either. But should I encourage them to be part of their dad’s new family? Am I being unfair?
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s no surprise you’re confused and conflicted.
It will take time to recover, particularly when you’re also trying to care for your daughters.
Lean on your friends and seek the support of a counsellor if need be. Local help is available via relate.org.uk.
Keeping a relationship with their dad and wider family is important for your daughters, so do encourage them to see him.
They need to have some continuity, despite their parents splitting up.
And don’t forget that your husband’s new baby will be their half-sibling.
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You need to put your own feelings second, for your daughters’ sake.
My support pack When Parents Fall Out explains more about their feelings and needs.