We called off our engagement to be a throuple – now we swap partners every night but our sex contract has a golden rule 0 30

SIGNING her name beside her partner’s, Irie Ewers felt a rush of excitement.

This was no ordinary contract – it was an agreement between her and boyfriend Tom Smith, 32, granting them permission to have sex with other people.

HotSpot MediaIrie Ewers and Tom Smith opened up their relationship[/caption] HotSpot MediaThe couple called off their engagement because they couldn’t imagine leaving their girlfriend out[/caption]

The couple, who met on dating app Tinder in September 2015, agreed to open up their relationship after Irie, 26, admitted she was bisexual.

Flash forward three years and the polyamorous pair are now a throuple, having found a connection with another woman, Alex Jones, 32.

And they’ve even called off their engagement because they couldn’t imagine getting married without Alex.

Law student Irie, from Oklahoma, says: “I feel lucky to have not one, but two people to love and cherish.

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“I didn’t think it’d be possible to love more than one person at a time, but with Tom and Alex, it’s so natural.”

After sparks flew on their first date, Irie and Tom, a recruiter, fell madly in love.

They moved in together in May 2016 and were “strictly monogamous” – but two years later, they decided to open up their partnership.

Irie explains: “From the beginning, Tom always knew I was also attracted to women, so when we discussed exploring our sexuality, swinging seemed like the obvious choice.

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“We wrote up a contract, outlining dos and don’ts, so there were no grey areas with consent.

“After that we slept with other people and enjoyed threesomes. It was great sex.

“Although we enjoyed a few flings, we wanted something more permanent.”

Golden rule

HotSpot MediaIrie and Tom started out monogamous but Irie knew she was bisexual[/caption]

Irie and Tom discussed inviting a third partner into their relationship, and in September 2019, they decided to write out a contract.

The agreement included a two drink limit before engaging in sex, and that Irie kissed the woman first.

Irie says: “The contract stated we’d now become polyamorous and it laid out the ground rules.

“It said we were happy to bring another woman into our relationship. If we were to have sex there would be a two drink limit.

Our contract said we were happy to bring another woman into our relationship. If we were to have sex there would be a two drink limit

Irie Ewers

“Tom and I then signed it. It was very exciting.”

They began dating women, but had no luck – and in July 2020 they got engaged.

But everything changed in January 2021 when they met Alex, a psychotherapist, at a restaurant while having brunch.

Irie recalls: “She was beautiful. I chatted with her at the end of the table while Tom watched.

“I learnt that Alex was a lesbian but had never explored polyamory.

“After the brunch I introduced her to Tom and told her we were a couple but were open to meeting a new woman. She was monogamous but interested.

“After that we chatted every day, and when we met for a hike later that week, we confessed our feelings for each other.”

Couple to trio

HotSpot MediaThe trio moved in together and began sharing a bed[/caption]

In March last year, Alex joined Tom and Irie in their relationship, becoming a polyamorous trio.

Although Alex is a lesbian, she went on ‘dates’ with Tom so they could build their connection.

Irie says: “Tom, Alex and I started sharing a bed together and eventually all became intimate as a trio and it was magical.

“Everything happened so naturally and I found myself falling in love with Alex too.”

Alex later moved in with Irie and Tom, but Tom moved out so he could have more space and meet more women.

Tom, Alex and I started sharing a bed together and eventually all became intimate as a trio and it was magical

Irie Ewers

Irie says: “Now I spend Mondays and Wednesdays with Alex in our shared home together with our two cats.

“On Tuesdays and Thursdays I stay with Tom in our place with our two dogs. We spend the weekends all together.

“To help manage our time together we share an online calendar so we can arrange to see each other for the rest of the week.”

Backlash

HotSpot MediaThe throuple have had some mean comments[/caption] HotSpot MediaTom moved out so he could spend time with more different women[/caption]

Irie admits they’ve had some nasty comments about their relationship.

She recalls: “Once we were all on a train holding hands and kissing and a man told us we deserved to die. I was devastated.

“Thankfully my parents were cool with it.”

Now the throuple plan to have a symbolic ceremony together in the future to celebrate their union.

Irie says: “I love having a boyfriend and girlfriend.

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“Thanks to our contract, jealousy isn’t something we experience. It gives us freedom.

“I’m grateful to have two wonderful, amazing people that love me, and I love them both, equally.”

HotSpot MediaIrie says their arrangement works perfectly[/caption] HotSpot MediaTom and Alex went on dates to find their connection[/caption]

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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