We called off our engagement to be a throuple – now we swap partners every night but our sex contract has a golden rule 0 186

SIGNING her name beside her partner’s, Irie Ewers felt a rush of excitement.

This was no ordinary contract – it was an agreement between her and boyfriend Tom Smith, 32, granting them permission to have sex with other people.

HotSpot MediaIrie Ewers and Tom Smith opened up their relationship[/caption] HotSpot MediaThe couple called off their engagement because they couldn’t imagine leaving their girlfriend out[/caption]

The couple, who met on dating app Tinder in September 2015, agreed to open up their relationship after Irie, 26, admitted she was bisexual.

Flash forward three years and the polyamorous pair are now a throuple, having found a connection with another woman, Alex Jones, 32.

And they’ve even called off their engagement because they couldn’t imagine getting married without Alex.

Law student Irie, from Oklahoma, says: “I feel lucky to have not one, but two people to love and cherish.



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“I didn’t think it’d be possible to love more than one person at a time, but with Tom and Alex, it’s so natural.”

After sparks flew on their first date, Irie and Tom, a recruiter, fell madly in love.

They moved in together in May 2016 and were “strictly monogamous” – but two years later, they decided to open up their partnership.

Irie explains: “From the beginning, Tom always knew I was also attracted to women, so when we discussed exploring our sexuality, swinging seemed like the obvious choice.

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“We wrote up a contract, outlining dos and don’ts, so there were no grey areas with consent.

“After that we slept with other people and enjoyed threesomes. It was great sex.

“Although we enjoyed a few flings, we wanted something more permanent.”

Golden rule

HotSpot MediaIrie and Tom started out monogamous but Irie knew she was bisexual[/caption]

Irie and Tom discussed inviting a third partner into their relationship, and in September 2019, they decided to write out a contract.

The agreement included a two drink limit before engaging in sex, and that Irie kissed the woman first.

Irie says: “The contract stated we’d now become polyamorous and it laid out the ground rules.

“It said we were happy to bring another woman into our relationship. If we were to have sex there would be a two drink limit.

Our contract said we were happy to bring another woman into our relationship. If we were to have sex there would be a two drink limit

Irie Ewers

“Tom and I then signed it. It was very exciting.”

They began dating women, but had no luck – and in July 2020 they got engaged.

But everything changed in January 2021 when they met Alex, a psychotherapist, at a restaurant while having brunch.

Irie recalls: “She was beautiful. I chatted with her at the end of the table while Tom watched.

“I learnt that Alex was a lesbian but had never explored polyamory.

“After the brunch I introduced her to Tom and told her we were a couple but were open to meeting a new woman. She was monogamous but interested.

“After that we chatted every day, and when we met for a hike later that week, we confessed our feelings for each other.”

Couple to trio

HotSpot MediaThe trio moved in together and began sharing a bed[/caption]

In March last year, Alex joined Tom and Irie in their relationship, becoming a polyamorous trio.

Although Alex is a lesbian, she went on ‘dates’ with Tom so they could build their connection.

Irie says: “Tom, Alex and I started sharing a bed together and eventually all became intimate as a trio and it was magical.

“Everything happened so naturally and I found myself falling in love with Alex too.”

Alex later moved in with Irie and Tom, but Tom moved out so he could have more space and meet more women.

Tom, Alex and I started sharing a bed together and eventually all became intimate as a trio and it was magical

Irie Ewers

Irie says: “Now I spend Mondays and Wednesdays with Alex in our shared home together with our two cats.

“On Tuesdays and Thursdays I stay with Tom in our place with our two dogs. We spend the weekends all together.

“To help manage our time together we share an online calendar so we can arrange to see each other for the rest of the week.”


HotSpot MediaThe throuple have had some mean comments[/caption] HotSpot MediaTom moved out so he could spend time with more different women[/caption]

Irie admits they’ve had some nasty comments about their relationship.

She recalls: “Once we were all on a train holding hands and kissing and a man told us we deserved to die. I was devastated.

“Thankfully my parents were cool with it.”

Now the throuple plan to have a symbolic ceremony together in the future to celebrate their union.

Irie says: “I love having a boyfriend and girlfriend.

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“Thanks to our contract, jealousy isn’t something we experience. It gives us freedom.

“I’m grateful to have two wonderful, amazing people that love me, and I love them both, equally.”

HotSpot MediaIrie says their arrangement works perfectly[/caption] HotSpot MediaTom and Alex went on dates to find their connection[/caption]

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Porn and Mental Health: The Challenges and Strategies for Coping in the Industry 0 177

Pornography is a billion-dollar industry that has gained widespread popularity across the globe. However, while it may be a source of entertainment for some, the industry can be challenging for performers’ mental health. The pressure to perform and meet the expectations of producers and viewers can take a toll on performers’ mental wellbeing. In this article, we’ll explore the challenges that the porn industry poses to mental health and strategies for coping with them.

The Challenges

  1. Stigma and Shame

The porn industry is still stigmatized, and performers can face a lot of shame and judgment from society. This can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety, making it difficult for performers to seek help and support when needed.

  1. Pressure to Perform

Performers in the porn industry are expected to meet certain expectations and perform at their best every time. This pressure can be overwhelming and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

  1. Isolation and Loneliness

Performing in the porn industry can be a lonely experience, with performers spending long hours on set or on their own, away from friends and family. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can take a toll on mental health.

  1. Trauma and Abuse

The porn industry is not immune to issues such as sexual harassment, assault, and exploitation. Performers may experience these traumatic events, leading to conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.

Strategies for Coping

Seek Professional Help

Performers in the porn industry should seek professional help and support when they need it. There are many therapists and counselors who specialize in working with performers in the industry and can help with issues such as anxiety, depression, and trauma.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is crucial for performers in the porn industry. Taking breaks when needed, exercising, and practicing mindfulness and meditation can help performers manage stress and promote mental wellbeing.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Having a supportive network of friends, family, and colleagues can make a big difference in performers’ mental health. Surrounding yourself with people who understand the challenges of the industry and offer non-judgmental support can help performers cope with the stresses of the job.

Address Trauma and Abuse

Performers who have experienced trauma and abuse in the industry should seek support and address these issues head-on. This may involve therapy, reporting incidents to the authorities, and taking legal action if necessary.


The porn industry poses significant challenges to performers’ mental health, from stigma and shame to pressure to perform and trauma and abuse. However, with the right strategies, performers can cope with these challenges and maintain good mental wellbeing. Seeking professional help, practicing self-care, surrounding yourself with supportive people, and addressing trauma and abuse are just a few strategies that can help performers in the porn industry maintain good mental health.

Navigating Consent and Boundaries in the Porn Industry: A Guide for Newcomers 0 165

Consent and boundaries are crucial aspects of the porn industry, and it’s essential for newcomers to understand how to navigate these issues. In this article, we’ll provide a guide for those who are new to the industry on how to approach consent and boundaries in a professional and respectful manner.

First and foremost, it’s important to understand that consent is always required in the porn industry. This means that every actor must give explicit and enthusiastic consent to any sexual act that is portrayed on camera. Consent can be given verbally or non-verbally, but it must always be clear and enthusiastic.

In order to ensure that consent is obtained, communication is key. Actors should have open and honest conversations with their scene partners and the director prior to filming. They should discuss what they are comfortable with and what their boundaries are, as well as any specific instructions or concerns.

It’s also important for actors to feel empowered to set their own boundaries and to speak up if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe during filming. This means that if an actor does not want to perform a particular act or if they feel that their boundaries are being pushed, they have the right to stop the scene and speak to the director about their concerns.

It’s also essential for actors to be aware of their own physical and emotional limits. This means that they should take breaks as needed, communicate with their scene partner and director about any discomfort or pain, and engage in self-care practices to ensure that they are physically and emotionally prepared for the demands of the job.

Finally, it’s important for actors to have a support system in place. This can include talking to other actors who have experience in the industry, seeking out counseling or therapy, and having trusted friends and family members who can provide emotional support.

Navigating consent and boundaries in the porn industry can be challenging, but it’s an essential part of maintaining a safe and respectful work environment. By following these guidelines, newcomers to the industry can ensure that they are approaching these issues in a professional and responsible manner.

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