I caught my wife having sex with our neighbour – she’s cheated with nine blokes 0 42

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I came home from work early one day I was horrified to find my wife performing a sex act on our neighbour.

To add insult to injury, she was giving him oral, and she has never done that for me in the ten years we’ve been married — she told me she found the idea disgusting.

I found my wife cheating with another man

It turns out he’s just one of her many lovers.

I guess I didn’t get the memo saying we were in an open marriage.

I am 40 and she is 38. I have been faithful to her since the day we met.

Perhaps I’m naive, but I never suspected she was cheating on me.

I thought she didn’t like sex much.

She has always wanted to do it with the lights off, and she would never try anything new. I put up with it because I loved her so much.

Now I know she just didn’t like sex with me.

I only found out about her infidelity because I got a migraine at work last week.

I felt so bad I had to leave the office early to come home to rest. My wife wasn’t working that day and I was hoping for tea and sympathy.

Instead, I found her head buried in a man’s naked lap, while he lay back on my sofa.

For a second I thought I was going to throw up. Then I shouted at him to leave, threw his trousers at him, and he ran out of my house.

My wife said she was sorry I’d seen that, but I was overreacting because it meant nothing.

When I pressed her, she admitted having had at least nine lovers since we were married.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

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I don’t know who she is any more.

I’ve never felt so much pain. She thinks I should forgive and forget, but I don’t see a way forward in my marriage.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You have had a horrible shock, not just seeing your wife have sex with another man, but also learning that she has cheated throughout your marriage.

Right now, totally understandably, you want to walk away from your marriage.

But it sounds like until this incident, you were generally happy with your wife.

Once the shock wears off, it’s possible you will want to attempt to put this behind you and try again.

My support pack Cheating, Can You Get Over It? may then be of use.

If you are to have a future, your wife will need to talk to you about your sex life honestly, so you can understand what went wrong and get to the root cause of her multiple liaisons.

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Relationship counselling – alone and/or together – could help you work through your feelings.

You can find support at tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

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I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

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My wife thinks it's unreasonable to ask her to wash before wild sex

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My boyfriend's completely gone off sex since I gained weight

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My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

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Alfie is feeling awkward after dreaming about his mate's hot wife, Sarah

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I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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