It makes sense to have a toyboy in your sixties… (it’s biology) 0 206

IN her new film, Oscar-winning actress Emma Thompson plays a widow who hires a young escort to reignite her sex life. And it is striking a chord with older women, including author Kathy Lette, 63.

Here, the best-selling writer explains why she and her friends are embarking on relationships with toyboys – and why these young men find mature women so sexy.

AlamyIn her new film, Oscar-winning actress Emma Thompson plays a widow who hires a young escort to reignite her sex life[/caption]’s ex Ahlamalik Williams was 35 years her junior[/caption] Neil CooperAuthor Kathy Lette explains why she and her friends are embarking on relationships with toyboys[/caption]

Age shouldn’t matter — unless you’re into vintage wine.

But sadly, while men are encouraged to keep sowing whole plantations of wild oats, older women get put out to sexual pasture.

Men are given “silver fox” status and loaded up with vitamin V, but women my age are often dismissed as crones, hags and old bags.

We’re led to believe we have the sexual magnetism of a half-thawed rissole. I can’t believe the Pope isn’t ringing us up for tips on celibacy.

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But post-menopause, we are actually in our sexual prime. Which is why new flick Good Luck To You, Leo Grande resonates with my age group.

The fabulous Emma Thompson, 63, plays retired widow Nancy, who has never had an orgasm — so she hires a young male sex worker.

At the end of the film, newly liberated, she stands naked before the mirror, content and totally comfortable in her skin.

This film strikes a cinematic chord — so many of my post-menopausal pals are keeping fit by doing the horizontal tango with a hot-to-trot toyboy.

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Recently widowed or newly divorced, many women my age have taken younger lovers and are rarely vertical.

After two amicable divorces, I am now happily ensconced with a man eight years my junior.

The majority of divorces are now instigated by women, and the peak time is when husbands retire.

From honeymoon to tomb can be 70 to 80 years nowadays — and that’s a long time to find each other’s anecdotes interesting.

But the decision to split can also be attributed to hormonal changes. Post-menopause, a drop in oestrogen and an increase in testosterone means women get a little more selfish.

We can put ourselves first, for the first time in our lives.

For men, the opposite is true. As blokes age, their testosterone dips and oestrogen increases. Which is why, once retired, they often want to stay at home and “nest”.

But women have nested! We’ve buttered acres of toast and baked flocks of lambs and whole schools of salmon. We now want to go up Everest and down the Amazon.

And, liberated from the school run and homework duties, we have more time to devote to pleasure.

If a woman is healthy in middle age, then she’ll probably live to 96, which means there’s a hell of a lot of sexcapades still to be enjoyed.


And thanks to the internet, she can do so.

Even girlfriends who’ve always been catty about mouse pad pairings are now busy striking up online relationships.

Most have been on so many blind dates they should be given a free dog. And the majority of fellas they’re hooking up with are younger.

This makes biological sense. The male of the species reaches his sexual peak in his late teens; the female of the species, after 50.

Recently widowed or newly divorced, many women my age have taken younger lovers and are rarely vertical. After two amicable divorces, I am now happily ensconced with a man eight years my junior.

Here’s what makes older women so sexy — great sex is about being relaxed and not giving a hoot what others think about us.

Which is why we don’t feel the need to wax off every body hair. We are also uninhibited.

Having stripped down to your bra on public transport to alleviate a hot flush, what could ever embarrass you again? It’s time mature women were afforded the same sexual freedom as older men, with no judgement or stigma attached.

The sublime House Of Cards actress Robin Wright, 56, has talked about the sensational sex she experienced with her ex-boyfriend, actor Ben Foster, who is 15 years younger.

She said: “I’ve never laughed more, read more, or come more.”

And as one of my girlfriends in her late sixties told me: “I like to have sex when I’m sad. I like to have sex when I’m happy.

“I like to have sex in the morning. I like to have sex in the evenings. I like to have tantric sex for hours and hours.

“I like to have quick-fix sex standing up backwards over the kitchen table. Otherwise, I don’t have sex unless I’m really, really horny.”

So you see, a younger man with an older woman makes perfect sense.

Of course, there will be negative comments.

“So, where did you two meet?” a male acquaintance asked after I introduced my boyfriend, “an archaeological dig?”

Another wanted to know if I was going to date him or adopt him.

My girlfriend, whose lover is 30 years her junior, is constantly told that, “Where there’s a will, he clearly wants to be in it.”

The best things in life really are free — laughing, talking, walking, oxygen and orgasms.

In fact, orgasms are a lot like oxygen; no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

And so, to women my age I would say, forget anti-ageing creams, cosmetic surgery and fad diets. Simply put a toy boy on your menu.

Go forth, be fabulous and put the sex into sexagenarian.

  • Kathy Lette has written 20 books, including HRT – Husband Replacement Therapy. She hopes to create a new life-affirming literary genre for older women called I Don’t Give A S**t Lit.

AP:Associated PressFrench President Emmanuel Macron’s wife Brigitte is 25 years his senior[/caption] Susan Sarandon and ex Jonathan Bricklin had a 31-year age gapRex


DIVORCED Jan West, 60, says that she is having the best sex of her life with forklift truck driver Aled Saint, 49, who she met seven months ago. Jan, from Swansea, says:

“I’ve been married, divorced and had long-term relationships. But sex was never that good in my younger years.

CollectDivorced Jan West, 60, says that she is having the best sex of her life with forklift truck driver Aled Saint, 49[/caption]

One ex wanted to make love in the morning, but I’m not a morning person. Another never gave cuddles and wasn’t loving towards me.

Until now, sex was boring, fumbling and routine.

Or there was the “let’s get on with it” attitude.

My needs were never met and I wondered what all the fuss was about as far as sex was concerned.

Following my divorce in 2010 after 17 years of marriage and after dating other men who were useless in bed, I didn’t see the point of starting another committed relationship.

I had been single for two years when I met Aled, whose nickname is Snowy, at a New Year’s party. We danced and talked – and I instantly fancied him.

When he told me he was 11 years younger, I hesitated because of the age gap.

But he was charming and romantic, always giving me compliments and he didn’t care about my age.

As for the sex – it blew my mind. I thought I would be nervous about getting undressed in front of Snowy.

But I was proud of my body and I had always kept myself in reasonable shape.

He was full of energy and could go all night.

Whenever we met, we would have sex for hours.

Now, it gets better and better and we have sex as often as we can. Instead of a quickie or a “once a week” obligatory fumble, he surprises me with nights away in hotels and romantic dinners.

Although it’s taken most of my life to enjoy good sex, it’s finally happening and I7 couldn’t be more content.”


PODCASTER Suzanne Noble, 61, who is co-director of online mag Advantages Of Age, is in an open relationship with retired academic Peter Marriot, also 61. Suzanne, who lives in London, says:

“The other day I had a mind-blowing orgasm. I’d been making love with Pete for over an hour when I finally let go.

PROVIDEDPodcaster Suzanne Noble, 61, is in an open relationship with retired academic Peter Marriot, also 61[/caption]

It was luxuriant sex that felt like it could go on for ever.

I never imagined I’d have such incredible sex in my 60s until I met Pete in February.

We experiment, we’re honest and we are completely compatible in the bedroom – all the ingredients you need.

We’re also in an open relationship. So far I’ve had sex with another man in his 40s, who I met online.

I feel more powerful and sexual than ever. I lost my virginity when I was 17 and from then on I had flings – which were unremarkable – until I met my ex-husband when I was 28.

My marital sex was predictable, I wasn’t mature enough to talk about what turned me on.

In my 40s I had some pretty wild times – some of the sex was good, but some was terrible. Then in my early 50s I hit the menopause and lost my libido for a few years.

When I was 56 I met a man and we were together for four years, but he wasn’t affectionate and in the last year we were celibate. I didn’t want to live like that.

In the last couple of years I’ve lost two stone, going from size 14 to 10, and feel more confident than ever.

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I’m proud of my body and I deserve a decent sex life – and I’ve got it.”

  • Suzanne’s podcast can be found at
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Porn and Mental Health: The Challenges and Strategies for Coping in the Industry 0 178

Pornography is a billion-dollar industry that has gained widespread popularity across the globe. However, while it may be a source of entertainment for some, the industry can be challenging for performers’ mental health. The pressure to perform and meet the expectations of producers and viewers can take a toll on performers’ mental wellbeing. In this article, we’ll explore the challenges that the porn industry poses to mental health and strategies for coping with them.

The Challenges

  1. Stigma and Shame

The porn industry is still stigmatized, and performers can face a lot of shame and judgment from society. This can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety, making it difficult for performers to seek help and support when needed.

  1. Pressure to Perform

Performers in the porn industry are expected to meet certain expectations and perform at their best every time. This pressure can be overwhelming and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

  1. Isolation and Loneliness

Performing in the porn industry can be a lonely experience, with performers spending long hours on set or on their own, away from friends and family. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can take a toll on mental health.

  1. Trauma and Abuse

The porn industry is not immune to issues such as sexual harassment, assault, and exploitation. Performers may experience these traumatic events, leading to conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.

Strategies for Coping

Seek Professional Help

Performers in the porn industry should seek professional help and support when they need it. There are many therapists and counselors who specialize in working with performers in the industry and can help with issues such as anxiety, depression, and trauma.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is crucial for performers in the porn industry. Taking breaks when needed, exercising, and practicing mindfulness and meditation can help performers manage stress and promote mental wellbeing.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Having a supportive network of friends, family, and colleagues can make a big difference in performers’ mental health. Surrounding yourself with people who understand the challenges of the industry and offer non-judgmental support can help performers cope with the stresses of the job.

Address Trauma and Abuse

Performers who have experienced trauma and abuse in the industry should seek support and address these issues head-on. This may involve therapy, reporting incidents to the authorities, and taking legal action if necessary.


The porn industry poses significant challenges to performers’ mental health, from stigma and shame to pressure to perform and trauma and abuse. However, with the right strategies, performers can cope with these challenges and maintain good mental wellbeing. Seeking professional help, practicing self-care, surrounding yourself with supportive people, and addressing trauma and abuse are just a few strategies that can help performers in the porn industry maintain good mental health.

Navigating Consent and Boundaries in the Porn Industry: A Guide for Newcomers 0 165

Consent and boundaries are crucial aspects of the porn industry, and it’s essential for newcomers to understand how to navigate these issues. In this article, we’ll provide a guide for those who are new to the industry on how to approach consent and boundaries in a professional and respectful manner.

First and foremost, it’s important to understand that consent is always required in the porn industry. This means that every actor must give explicit and enthusiastic consent to any sexual act that is portrayed on camera. Consent can be given verbally or non-verbally, but it must always be clear and enthusiastic.

In order to ensure that consent is obtained, communication is key. Actors should have open and honest conversations with their scene partners and the director prior to filming. They should discuss what they are comfortable with and what their boundaries are, as well as any specific instructions or concerns.

It’s also important for actors to feel empowered to set their own boundaries and to speak up if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe during filming. This means that if an actor does not want to perform a particular act or if they feel that their boundaries are being pushed, they have the right to stop the scene and speak to the director about their concerns.

It’s also essential for actors to be aware of their own physical and emotional limits. This means that they should take breaks as needed, communicate with their scene partner and director about any discomfort or pain, and engage in self-care practices to ensure that they are physically and emotionally prepared for the demands of the job.

Finally, it’s important for actors to have a support system in place. This can include talking to other actors who have experience in the industry, seeking out counseling or therapy, and having trusted friends and family members who can provide emotional support.

Navigating consent and boundaries in the porn industry can be challenging, but it’s an essential part of maintaining a safe and respectful work environment. By following these guidelines, newcomers to the industry can ensure that they are approaching these issues in a professional and responsible manner.

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