It makes sense to have a toyboy in your sixties… (it’s biology) 0 49

IN her new film, Oscar-winning actress Emma Thompson plays a widow who hires a young escort to reignite her sex life. And it is striking a chord with older women, including author Kathy Lette, 63.

Here, the best-selling writer explains why she and her friends are embarking on relationships with toyboys – and why these young men find mature women so sexy.

AlamyIn her new film, Oscar-winning actress Emma Thompson plays a widow who hires a young escort to reignite her sex life[/caption] instagram.com/madonnaMadonna’s ex Ahlamalik Williams was 35 years her junior[/caption] Neil CooperAuthor Kathy Lette explains why she and her friends are embarking on relationships with toyboys[/caption]

Age shouldn’t matter — unless you’re into vintage wine.

But sadly, while men are encouraged to keep sowing whole plantations of wild oats, older women get put out to sexual pasture.

Men are given “silver fox” status and loaded up with vitamin V, but women my age are often dismissed as crones, hags and old bags.

We’re led to believe we have the sexual magnetism of a half-thawed rissole. I can’t believe the Pope isn’t ringing us up for tips on celibacy.

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But post-menopause, we are actually in our sexual prime. Which is why new flick Good Luck To You, Leo Grande resonates with my age group.

The fabulous Emma Thompson, 63, plays retired widow Nancy, who has never had an orgasm — so she hires a young male sex worker.

At the end of the film, newly liberated, she stands naked before the mirror, content and totally comfortable in her skin.

This film strikes a cinematic chord — so many of my post-menopausal pals are keeping fit by doing the horizontal tango with a hot-to-trot toyboy.

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Recently widowed or newly divorced, many women my age have taken younger lovers and are rarely vertical.

After two amicable divorces, I am now happily ensconced with a man eight years my junior.

The majority of divorces are now instigated by women, and the peak time is when husbands retire.

From honeymoon to tomb can be 70 to 80 years nowadays — and that’s a long time to find each other’s anecdotes interesting.

But the decision to split can also be attributed to hormonal changes. Post-menopause, a drop in oestrogen and an increase in testosterone means women get a little more selfish.

We can put ourselves first, for the first time in our lives.

For men, the opposite is true. As blokes age, their testosterone dips and oestrogen increases. Which is why, once retired, they often want to stay at home and “nest”.

But women have nested! We’ve buttered acres of toast and baked flocks of lambs and whole schools of salmon. We now want to go up Everest and down the Amazon.

And, liberated from the school run and homework duties, we have more time to devote to pleasure.

If a woman is healthy in middle age, then she’ll probably live to 96, which means there’s a hell of a lot of sexcapades still to be enjoyed.

‘QUICK-FIX SEX OVER THE KITCHEN TABLE’

And thanks to the internet, she can do so.

Even girlfriends who’ve always been catty about mouse pad pairings are now busy striking up online relationships.

Most have been on so many blind dates they should be given a free dog. And the majority of fellas they’re hooking up with are younger.

This makes biological sense. The male of the species reaches his sexual peak in his late teens; the female of the species, after 50.

Recently widowed or newly divorced, many women my age have taken younger lovers and are rarely vertical. After two amicable divorces, I am now happily ensconced with a man eight years my junior.

Here’s what makes older women so sexy — great sex is about being relaxed and not giving a hoot what others think about us.

Which is why we don’t feel the need to wax off every body hair. We are also uninhibited.

Having stripped down to your bra on public transport to alleviate a hot flush, what could ever embarrass you again? It’s time mature women were afforded the same sexual freedom as older men, with no judgement or stigma attached.

The sublime House Of Cards actress Robin Wright, 56, has talked about the sensational sex she experienced with her ex-boyfriend, actor Ben Foster, who is 15 years younger.

She said: “I’ve never laughed more, read more, or come more.”

And as one of my girlfriends in her late sixties told me: “I like to have sex when I’m sad. I like to have sex when I’m happy.

“I like to have sex in the morning. I like to have sex in the evenings. I like to have tantric sex for hours and hours.

“I like to have quick-fix sex standing up backwards over the kitchen table. Otherwise, I don’t have sex unless I’m really, really horny.”

So you see, a younger man with an older woman makes perfect sense.

Of course, there will be negative comments.

“So, where did you two meet?” a male acquaintance asked after I introduced my boyfriend, “an archaeological dig?”

Another wanted to know if I was going to date him or adopt him.

My girlfriend, whose lover is 30 years her junior, is constantly told that, “Where there’s a will, he clearly wants to be in it.”

The best things in life really are free — laughing, talking, walking, oxygen and orgasms.

In fact, orgasms are a lot like oxygen; no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

And so, to women my age I would say, forget anti-ageing creams, cosmetic surgery and fad diets. Simply put a toy boy on your menu.

Go forth, be fabulous and put the sex into sexagenarian.

  • Kathy Lette has written 20 books, including HRT – Husband Replacement Therapy. She hopes to create a new life-affirming literary genre for older women called I Don’t Give A S**t Lit.

AP:Associated PressFrench President Emmanuel Macron’s wife Brigitte is 25 years his senior[/caption] Susan Sarandon and ex Jonathan Bricklin had a 31-year age gapRex

‘SEX IS THE BEST I HAVE EVER HAD’

DIVORCED Jan West, 60, says that she is having the best sex of her life with forklift truck driver Aled Saint, 49, who she met seven months ago. Jan, from Swansea, says:

“I’ve been married, divorced and had long-term relationships. But sex was never that good in my younger years.

CollectDivorced Jan West, 60, says that she is having the best sex of her life with forklift truck driver Aled Saint, 49[/caption]

One ex wanted to make love in the morning, but I’m not a morning person. Another never gave cuddles and wasn’t loving towards me.

Until now, sex was boring, fumbling and routine.

Or there was the “let’s get on with it” attitude.

My needs were never met and I wondered what all the fuss was about as far as sex was concerned.

Following my divorce in 2010 after 17 years of marriage and after dating other men who were useless in bed, I didn’t see the point of starting another committed relationship.

I had been single for two years when I met Aled, whose nickname is Snowy, at a New Year’s party. We danced and talked – and I instantly fancied him.

When he told me he was 11 years younger, I hesitated because of the age gap.

But he was charming and romantic, always giving me compliments and he didn’t care about my age.

As for the sex – it blew my mind. I thought I would be nervous about getting undressed in front of Snowy.

But I was proud of my body and I had always kept myself in reasonable shape.

He was full of energy and could go all night.

Whenever we met, we would have sex for hours.

Now, it gets better and better and we have sex as often as we can. Instead of a quickie or a “once a week” obligatory fumble, he surprises me with nights away in hotels and romantic dinners.

Although it’s taken most of my life to enjoy good sex, it’s finally happening and I7 couldn’t be more content.”

‘MIND-BLOWING ORGASMS AT 61’

PODCASTER Suzanne Noble, 61, who is co-director of online mag Advantages Of Age, is in an open relationship with retired academic Peter Marriot, also 61. Suzanne, who lives in London, says:

“The other day I had a mind-blowing orgasm. I’d been making love with Pete for over an hour when I finally let go.

PROVIDEDPodcaster Suzanne Noble, 61, is in an open relationship with retired academic Peter Marriot, also 61[/caption]

It was luxuriant sex that felt like it could go on for ever.

I never imagined I’d have such incredible sex in my 60s until I met Pete in February.

We experiment, we’re honest and we are completely compatible in the bedroom – all the ingredients you need.

We’re also in an open relationship. So far I’ve had sex with another man in his 40s, who I met online.

I feel more powerful and sexual than ever. I lost my virginity when I was 17 and from then on I had flings – which were unremarkable – until I met my ex-husband when I was 28.

My marital sex was predictable, I wasn’t mature enough to talk about what turned me on.

In my 40s I had some pretty wild times – some of the sex was good, but some was terrible. Then in my early 50s I hit the menopause and lost my libido for a few years.

When I was 56 I met a man and we were together for four years, but he wasn’t affectionate and in the last year we were celibate. I didn’t want to live like that.

In the last couple of years I’ve lost two stone, going from size 14 to 10, and feel more confident than ever.

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I’m proud of my body and I deserve a decent sex life – and I’ve got it.”

  • Suzanne’s podcast can be found at sexadviceforseniors.com.
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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 41

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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