We were plagued by erectile dysfunction in our 30s – 6 tips to get your sex life back Comments Off on We were plagued by erectile dysfunction in our 30s – 6 tips to get your sex life back 299

THERE are plenty of ways to describe an erection, but finding the right words is tough when things are not getting as hard as planned down there.

Londonder Xander Gilbert, 33, not only found the right words to talk about it — he and his cousin Angus Barge, 31, from Edinburgh, launched a business helping men struggling with erectile dysfunction (ED).

Olivia WestXander Gilbert (pictured with girlfriend Alice Howood) suffered from erectile dysfunction in his 30s[/caption] Xander and his cousin Angus Barge launched a business to help men who are also suffering from erectile dysfunction

Almost HALF of men have suffered with a form of ED at some point.

And Angus and Xander do not want anyone to struggle in silence.

Xander says: “Angus and I were on a long car journey to my parents’ place in Oxford around 2018 when he said he’d been struggling.

“He didn’t know I had been too.



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“But we had a conversation — with both of us looking dead ahead or out the window — and both felt so much better for being honest.”

Their conversation did not end in the car. Drawing on Xander’s background in tech development and Angus’s experience in counselling and psychotherapy, the pair set up Mojo Men (mojo.so) in 2020. They have not looked back.

Xander says: “I started having problems in my early twenties.

“I had a couple of sexual encounters that gave me huge performance anxiety. I googled a lot about it but kept it to myself.

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“When I met my girlfriend Alice in 2018, I decided to be honest.

“Before we got intimate, I told her I’d experienced it and that it happened sometimes.

“It was a pretty painful conversation but being upfront felt much better than worrying about what might happen.

“As it turned out, things between us were fine.

“But I think that’s largely because there wasn’t any anxiety on my side because I’d been open — something not many men are.

“The honesty must have worked because we welcomed our first child this year.”

It can also be difficult for women to talk about a partner’s problems — as Xander’s partner Alice Howood, 31, from Oxford, knows.

She says: “Xander was the first guy I’d been with who mentioned ED but I instantly admired the fact he’d been upfront about it.

“Women can sometimes feel it’s their fault — that maybe they’re not attractive enough. But that’s taking away from the issue itself.

“There’s a pressure to persevere and keep trying. But changing up what you do or finding intimacy in other ways can really help.”

Angus says of that conversation in the car: “I have no idea what made me open up to Xander

“It was awkward to begin with. I felt less alone when he said he’d been dealing with it too.”

Key questions

WHAT IS IT? Most men will fail to get or keep an erection once in a while.
It’s often down to stress, tiredness, anxiety or drinking too much and is nothing to worry about.

But Amanda Barge, psychosexual therapist for Mojo says: “ED is a recurrent inability to achieve or maintain an erection during sex.

“For it to be a ‘dysfunction’, it needs to happen regularly – around 75 to 100 per cent of the time.”

HOW IT HAPPENS: “Getting an erection is quite a complex process – it involves your brain, nerves, hormones, muscles, blood vessels and emotions.

A problem can result from any of these factors, so there is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.”

WHY IT HAPPENS: “The difficulty for many is that once they have had a problem, they begin ‘spectatoring’ their penis – which essentially means they dread not being able to get aroused and often fear losing an erection.

“Their bodies go in to fight-or-flight mode, which is not a great place to enjoy sex. They are so in their heads they are unable to enjoy the arousing feelings of making love.

“This can become a vicious cycle, causing real distress and relationship problems.”

WHO’S AT RISK? “ED becomes more prevalent as men age, but situational ED can kick in at any age for many different reasons including underlying medical conditions, lack of arousal, being too rushed, anxiety, depression, low mood, relational problems, tiredness, booze or drugs, lack of experience.”

UNDERLYING HEALTH CONDITIONS: “Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, chronic kidney disease, MS, Peyronie’s disease (fibrous scar tissue under the skin of the penis), injuries from surgery or prostate cancer and cycling injuries can all increase a bloke’s risk of ED.”


GettyXander and Angus have six tips to get your sex life back[/caption]

SEE YOUR GP: “The first port of call should always be your GP to make sure ED isn’t a symptom of a bigger medical condition,” says Angus. “However, in almost all cases of erectile dysfunction there’s a psychological element that needs to be tackled.”

DON’T BLAME: “Whichever side of a relationship you are on, blaming yourself doesn’t help,” says Xander. “Men can pretend it hasn’t happened before, which doesn’t help anyone. ED is no one’s fault. It’s a health condition that needs to be sorted.”

FORGET PENETRATION: “We asked more than 100 women what their favourite part of sex was,” says Angus. “Not a single one said penetration. So if ED’s an issue, mix things up.”

TALK: “If you are in a relationship, talk about ED outside the bedroom,” says Xander. “If you are having occasional sexual encounters, consider mentioning it beforehand to reduce pressure on yourself when the time comes. It’s difficult to do but could really help you out.”

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HONEST EXPECTATIONS: “Seventy-seven per cent of men access porn every month, which can give you an unrealistic version of sex,” says Angus. “It’s worth examining your habits and behaviours to see whether you’re putting pressure on yourself.”

REASSURE: “In a relationship, ED can make both of you feel vulnerable, and that’s when it becomes easy to start internalising,” says Angus. “Reassurance will go a very long way to helping both of you.”

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Managing Relationships While Working in the Adult Industry Comments Off on Managing Relationships While Working in the Adult Industry 258

Navigating romantic relationships can be complex, and this complexity often intensifies when one or both partners are involved in the adult industry. In this guide, we’ll explore practical strategies for maintaining healthy relationships, fostering open communication, and addressing challenges that may arise when one’s profession involves adult entertainment.

1. Open Communication:

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, especially when working in the adult industry. Establishing open and honest communication channels helps build trust and understanding between partners.

Example: Provide communication tips, such as setting aside dedicated time for discussions, creating a judgment-free zone, and actively listening to each other’s concerns.

2. Establishing Boundaries:

Clearly defining and respecting boundaries is crucial for both partners. Discussing comfort levels, expectations, and limits ensures that both individuals feel secure in the relationship.

Example: Offer guidance on how to have constructive conversations about boundaries, emphasizing the importance of mutual consent and compromise.

3. Building a Support System:

Developing a robust support system is essential. This includes friends, family, or colleagues who understand and respect the nature of the profession and can offer support during challenging times.

Example: Share stories of couples who have successfully built strong support systems and provide tips on how to nurture these networks.

4. Trust and Transparency:

Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship but becomes even more critical when working in the adult industry. Being transparent about one’s work and addressing concerns promptly helps foster trust between partners.

Example: Illustrate the positive outcomes of trust-building actions, such as being open about work schedules, discussing potential challenges, and offering reassurance.

5. Educating Partners:

Sometimes, misunderstandings arise due to lack of knowledge. Educating partners about the adult industry, its dynamics, and dispelling common myths can promote a better understanding of the profession.

Example: Create a guide for individuals to share with their partners, explaining the realities of the adult industry, emphasizing the consensual nature of the work, and addressing misconceptions.

6. Coping with External Judgments:

Working in the adult industry often comes with societal stigma. Discuss strategies for coping with external judgments and maintaining a strong sense of self-worth within the relationship.

Example: Share empowering stories of individuals who have successfully navigated societal stigma, emphasizing self-love and resilience.

7. Seeking Professional Guidance:

Relationships can benefit from professional guidance. Encouraging couples to seek counseling or therapy when faced with challenges can provide a neutral space for communication and support.

Example: Highlight success stories of couples who have sought therapy to strengthen their relationship and provide resources for finding qualified professionals.

8. Planning for the Future:

Discussing future plans is vital for any couple. Addressing long-term goals, such as career transitions or family planning, helps both partners feel secure and invested in the relationship.

Example: Offer advice on creating a shared vision for the future, navigating career changes, and making joint decisions that align with both partners’ aspirations.


Successfully managing relationships while working in the adult industry requires a combination of open communication, trust-building, and a proactive approach to addressing challenges. By fostering understanding, establishing clear boundaries, and seeking support when needed, couples can build strong, resilient relationships that thrive despite the unique demands of the profession. Remember, every relationship is unique, and adapting these strategies to suit individual needs is key to a fulfilling and supportive partnership.

Understanding and Navigating the World of Online Adult Content Comments Off on Understanding and Navigating the World of Online Adult Content 250

The internet has transformed the way we access and consume information, including adult content. Navigating this vast and often complex digital landscape requires understanding, responsibility, and respect. In this guide, we’ll explore key aspects of online adult content, helping you make informed choices while ensuring a safe and enjoyable experience.

1. Diverse Platforms and Formats:

Online adult content is not confined to a single platform or format. From websites and streaming services to interactive content, understanding the variety available is essential.

Example: Differentiate between mainstream adult websites, premium subscription services, and emerging interactive platforms, providing a glimpse into the diverse options.

2. Privacy and Security:

Respecting privacy is crucial when engaging with adult content online. This includes understanding the importance of secure connections, anonymous browsing, and being mindful of personal data.

Example: Provide tips on using virtual private networks (VPNs), secure payment methods, and the importance of reading privacy policies on adult websites.

3. Responsible Consumption:

Consuming adult content responsibly involves being aware of ethical considerations. This includes consent, avoiding illegal content, and understanding the potential impact on relationships.

Example: Share stories or case studies illustrating the importance of responsible consumption and the potential consequences of engaging with non-consensual or illegal content.

4. Age Verification and Restrictions:

Most countries have regulations regarding the access to adult content, often requiring age verification. Understanding and complying with these regulations is vital for legal and ethical reasons.

Example: Provide a step-by-step guide on age verification processes on different platforms and emphasize the importance of adherence to legal requirements.

5. Impact on Mental Health:

Consuming adult content can have varying effects on mental health. It’s crucial to be aware of the potential impact and seek support if needed.

Example: Discuss the potential consequences of excessive consumption, addiction, or unrealistic expectations, and provide resources for mental health support.

6. Consent and Ethical Production:

Understanding the concept of consent extends to the production of adult content. Ethical consumption involves supporting platforms and creators that prioritize the well-being and consent of performers.

Example: Showcase initiatives or platforms that prioritize ethical production, emphasize performer rights, and provide fair compensation.

7. Balancing Fantasies with Reality:

Distinguishing between fantasy and reality is important when consuming adult content. Developing a healthy perspective on sexuality involves recognizing the difference between scripted entertainment and real-life relationships.

Example: Share anecdotes or expert opinions on how to maintain a balanced view of sexuality and relationships while consuming adult content.

8. Community and Education:

Online communities and educational resources play a role in promoting healthy discussions about adult content. Engaging with like-minded individuals and staying informed contributes to a positive online experience.

Example: Highlight reputable online forums or educational platforms where individuals can learn more about various aspects of adult content, share experiences, and ask questions.


Navigating the world of online adult content requires a balanced approach, combining awareness, responsibility, and respect. By understanding the diverse landscape, prioritizing privacy and security, and promoting ethical consumption, individuals can ensure a positive and consensual online experience. Remember, responsible engagement contributes to a healthier digital environment for both consumers and content creators alike.

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