I’m a couples therapist – the two key signs it’s time to end your relationship 0 88

ENDING a relationship is never an easy task, but if you’re not happy then sometimes it just has to be done.

Writing in Metro couples therapist Susanna Abse has revealed some warning signs that your relationships is on the rocks. However, these don’t mean that it’s certain to fail.

GettyCommunicating effectively can be the key to solving any relationship woes[/caption]

Feelings of uncertainty and unhappiness

Many people will experience feelings of uncertainty and unhappiness at some point in their relationship. These feelings certainly don’t mean that your relationship is doomed.

However, in the wake of these feelings miscommunications may develop. Susanna says these issues can be difficult to discuss with your partner: “Sharing that much uncertainty with a loved one is a very high-risk strategy as threats of abandonment have a habit of raising the emotional temperature between a couple to boiling point.”

Discussing any issues you have in your relationship though can help you work out if they can be fixed, or if you are perhaps just incompatible on certain things.

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Thoughts of leaving

Daydreams about up and leaving your partner may be something of warning sign, however Susanna says that many people have these thoughts sometimes, adding: “It can be difficult to acknowledge to yourself that thoughts of leaving are in your mind — the romantic ideal has us believing that being in love precludes such things.”

Similarly to feelings of uncertainty and happiness, this doesn’t necessarily mark the end of your relationship. 

It can depend on just how often you’re having these thoughts. If you’re unhappy and think about breaking up with your partner everyday, that may be a sign that it’s time to act upon these fantasies.

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If you do decide to end your relationship, Susanna warns against immediately starting a new one. She says that this can be quite a common occurrence as it can cover any sense of loss the individual may feel.

She also adds: “Leaving your partner for someone else can be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire and it never makes a break-up easy. If you go, your partner is bound to be upset, but going straight to someone else’s bed can be extra wounding.”

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 47

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 30

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

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I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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