I’ve dated men who are both big and small but when it comes to size does it really matter, asks Vanessa Feltz 0 85

BRITISH men have come 66th in an international study of penis sizes from around the world.

They measured up at an average of 5.17in when erect, compared to our French neighbours at 6.20in.

Vanessa Feltz and partner Ben Ofoedu Vanessa says: ‘I’d like to know who got the job of chief measurer?’

Firstly, I’d like to know who got the job of chief measurer?

I’m a little disappointed nobody asked me. I have a radio show and am a grandmother of three, but I could have found time to squeeze that in as a little side hustle.

Secondly, I don’t know how you would substantiate such a list.

It seems to be pseudoscience of a positively anti-British nature and I would be devastated if any of my countrymen were to feel in any way less manly and exquisitely endowed.

Read more on penisese

WILLY HAPPY

I’ve had a penis on my arm for six years… now I finally feel like a real man

HEALTH CHECK

I’m a GP and here’s the answers to 4 penis questions you’re too afraid to ask

But does size actually matter?

To answer this question leaves me in somewhat of a dilemma, because women of a certain maturity know there is something you tell gentlemen and then there is something you secretly think to yourself.

I can give you the answer I would put forward in mixed company, which is: Absolutely not. All that really matters is the motion in the ocean.

It’s about the energy, foreplay and romantic titillation of the encounter, not the acreage, square footage, diameter or circumference.

Most read in Celebrity

GET OUT!

Huge snub for Harry, Meghan & Andrew as Queen BANS them from Jubilee balcony

OUCH!

Royal fans all saying same thing about Charles, Kate & Will's Archie bday message

PLEASURE ISLAND

Self love and sex toys aren't embarrassing, says Gemma Collins

ON THE BALL

Prince Harry 'set to play in polo tournament' during Queen's Platinum Jubilee

'NO SHAME'

I'm 51 and had a £2.5k Kim Kardashian bum boost, says Saira Khan

LIFE'S A BEACH

Stacey Solomon transforms a boring turtle sandpit using two simple steps

That’s the answer I’ve given both privately and publicly over the years.

But in truth, and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings here, for a man to unveil a small appendage, it’s impossible not to feel a slight frisson of disappointment.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

However, I will add that in my experience, this disappointment is not always well founded.

A recent study found that size DOES matter.

Researchers at King’s College in London recruited 12 couples and reduced the size of the man’s appendage by an inch using a silicone ring around the base.

The couples had intercourse with and without the rings and the results showed the extra inch improved the sexual pleasure for the women.

But these were existing couples — of course the women were used to their partner’s natural length. To cut it short would no doubt change their sexual experience somewhat.

But I wouldn’t say that big is always necessarily better.

I’ll never forget in my wanton youth an encounter with a professional bodybuilder, which in those days was even more of a rare sight than it is now.

Frankly, the size of his biceps did establish a certain level of great expectations for what would be down below.

I remember the terrific shock to the system when I realised that although he’d developed his glutes and his pecs, there was one part of his body that lifting weights simply wouldn’t elongate.

The initial disappointment remains with me to this day.

Similarly, I can’t erase from my memory the cataclysmic shock when a slight gentleman of fairly diminutive frame turned out to possess a lunchbox of such grand dimensions. It was the stuff of fantasy.

My discretion compels me to draw a veil upon how deeply I explored the endowments of these two distinguished gentlemen.

But I can say that the bodybuilder displayed an ardour and endurance that more than made up for any shortcomings.

The small, thin fellow was so frighteningly well-endowed I was too intimidated to partake.

You see, us women know that it’s not all about penetration.

One study from Indiana University in the US found that 36.6 per cent of women needed clitoral stimulation to reach climax, and in that case, it would follow that the size of the penis matters far less.

Men who might be less endowed should hopefully find other, more creative, ways to please their partner.

Frankly, if the unsheathing of the sword reveals a somewhat miniature piece of equipment, that’s when women should remind themselves of the sensible advice that’s been given since time began: It’s about how it’s used and who you are with — and whether you actually fancy them or not.

The small, thin fellow was so frighteningly well-endowed I was too intimidated to partake.

You sharply jolly yourself out of that disappointment by reminding yourself very swiftly not to take these things at face value.  And certainly not to whip out your tape measure.

GOLDEN RULE

While you want a man who is at least in a proportion — not vastly out of kilter with the shape of the rest of him — I do believe that if someone is very sexy, talented at what they do in the boudoir department and takes the time (someone who smells nice, is a good kisser and doesn’t fumble around in an unpleasant way) then the size just becomes much less relevant and pivotal.

But if the person is really clumsy, cack-handed and selfish, then the fact their penis is piffling will seem quite relevant.

If you fall for a man and love him unconditionally, then his penis is just a part of him.

But if you don’t love him then it’s easier to focus on the size, and you think, “Actually mate, never again. You have a penis like an acorn and I’m not into it.”

But I would add, and this is very important, you never say so. That’s the golden rule.

Never exclaim about the lack of girth or length. You must absolutely train yourself never to look horrified or pull out a magnifying glass.

You must always look enthralled and thrilled to bits. Always. That is fundamental to good manners.

And when it comes to my Ben? The thing that attracted me was his smile.

Read More on The Sun

MEGGING A MOVE

Meghan & Harry respond minutes after Queen bans them from balcony at Jubilee

BLING IT ON

Hamilton threatens to PULL OUT of first-ever Miami GP due to SECRET piercing

But he does take size 14½ shoes.

  • As told to Joel Cooper

Vanessa says Ben take size 14½ shoes.

Previous ArticleNext Article

My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

Most read in Dear Deidre

DEAR DEIDRE

I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

IN DEEP WATER

My wife thinks it's unreasonable to ask her to wash before wild sex

THE BIG ISSUE

My boyfriend's completely gone off sex since I gained weight

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL?

My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Alfie is feeling awkward after dreaming about his mate's hot wife, Sarah

DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

DEIDRE’S STORIES

Maya gets the blame after telling dad about her mum’s secret kiss

HEAR DEIDRE

A new episode of the Dear Deidre podcast is available TODAY

You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

Most read in Dear Deidre

DEAR DEIDRE

I want to sleep with my hot neighbour, but I'm worried about our age gap

IN DEEP WATER

My wife thinks it's unreasonable to ask her to wash before wild sex

THE BIG ISSUE

My boyfriend's completely gone off sex since I gained weight

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL?

My neighbour borrowed my shed and refused to pay me for it

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Alfie is feeling awkward after dreaming about his mate's hot wife, Sarah

DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

DEIDRE’S STORIES

Maya gets the blame after telling dad about her mum’s secret kiss

HEAR DEIDRE

A new episode of the Dear Deidre podcast is available TODAY

Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

Most Popular Topics

Editor Picks