How to last longer in bed if you’re a guy – 7 key steps to improve your sex life 0 95

IF you struggle to last longer than a couple of minutes in bed, experts reassure you it’s fixable.

While in some men there is a serious underlying cause, for the vast majority the common problem can be helped with a few tricks.

GettyEjaculating early might make your relationship suffer[/caption]

Sex may end quicker than you or your parnter expected for two reasons.

You may have ejaculated early, or are struggling to “keep it up”.

The average time to ejaculation in men in relationships is around five minutes, the NHS says.

International guidelines define premature ejaculation as regularly ejaculating within one minute of entering a partner.

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“However, it’s up to you and your partner to decide if you’re happy with the time it takes you to ejaculate,” the NHS adds.

Some men need treatment for premature ejaculation, whether that be psychological or for a physical condition, such as an enlarged prostate. 

The same goes for erectile dysfunction, which can occur for dozens of reasons from stress to diabetes.

Abbas Kanani, Lead Medical Advisor for Chemist Click, said: “Erectile dysfunction is a really common sexual disorder that many men will experience during their lifetime, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about. 

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“Erectile dysfunction can actually lead to the development of premature ejaculation, and so it’s super important to know if you are suffering with ED and how best to resolve the issue.”

Abbas shared his seven tips for lasting longer in bed. 

1. Foreplay 

Men may be put off by the idea of foreplay because it gets them excited too quickly.

But there is a reason it could improve your sex life – and it’s not to do with you.

Abbas said: “It can be easy to rush this step and get straight ‘to the good bit’ as some might say, but actually foreplay is an imperative part of sex, especially for the woman. 

“Women need sufficient foreplay and pre-stimulation to be properly aroused prior to penetration, more so than men, hence why men often ejaculate much sooner than women. 

“If you are able to focus on your partner’s pleasure before yours then this in turn means you will last longer as you are focussed on her first, and then you can engage in penetration as the final step, not something to rush to. 

“Remember sex is much more than simple penetration.”

2. Mental distraction 

Sometimes it’s as simple as thinking of something incredibly boring in order to disengage from sex.

“This can reduce enjoyment but often delays ejaculation” Abbas said.

“This is an age-old trick and most men may find that if they are close to achieving that they will try and think about something else, often something irrelevant or that makes them feel turned off. 

“During sex, if you can try and think of something less erotic, things like times tables, counting sheep or similar which focuses the mind on a task rather than what you are experiencing physically.”

3. Switch positions 

Switching positions has a number of benefits that may help you to last longer.

Abbas said when you’re in one position for too long or for the whole act of penetration, this can lead to a quicker climax. 

“By stopping and starting when moving to new positions, this gives you time to stop and slow down and focus on different styles rather than rushing to climax,” he said. 

“It will also increase pleasure for your partner and increase the chance for them to climax before you.”

It may also be helpful to avoid positions you find most arousing – until later on, at least.

The NHS says if your partner is on top, it “allows them to pull away when you’re close to ejaculating” – something you may struggle to find the will to do at first.

4. Behavioural techniques 

Your mind is remarkably important in the control of your penis.

Abbas said there are a few different behavioural techniques you can try and adopt during sex which should help to over time, allow you to last longer in bed. 

He said: “Often it is psychological and so once we are able to train our mind and find little techniques that work, then there is no going back.

“One common technique which works for many men is the ‘squeezing technique’ where you squeeze the penis tip near climax to prevent ejaculation.”

Squeezing can help the feeling of needing to ejaculate subside, but also requires mental willpower.

Abbas said: “Another is the stop-start technique which works to reduce stimulation when nearing climax, meaning you delay ejaculation a little while longer.”

Also known as “edging”, this method involves stopping all sexual stimulation until sensation has passed, and repeating.

This can also be practised during masturabation. 

Bare in mind that both techniques may reduce sexual satisfication in your partner, if you are suddenly stopping sex.

But this is where communication is vital.

5. Communication 

Abbas said: “Communication is key in any relationship.

“If you find that your premature ejaculation is affecting your sex life and relationship as a whole you should talk to your partner and be open and honest about how you are feeling.”

Having couples therapy,stop-0 or sex therapy, may help uncover relationship issues that are contributing to problems in the bedroom.

A therapist may also be able to help guide you through techniques such as stop-and-go.

Abbas said even things like meditation and breathwork may help. 

He added: “Ensuring that the bond with your partner remains strong is key, sex is also mental and not just physical so having the love and respect in place before sex is important for it to feel good. 

“Perhaps ask your partner if theres anything she would like in the bedroom, or anything to help the act of sex last longer for both parties.”

6. Lifestyle and diet

How long you last in bed often comes down to stamina.

And if you are physically fit, it’s bound to help.

Abbas said: “Your lifestyle choices may impact how quickly you achieve orgasm. 

“Often, if a person is eating a healthy and nutritional diet, and working out regularly, this means that they are building strength and stamina, and in turn better in bed. 

“For example, if you are fit then you are more likely to go for longer, be willing to switch positions and try new things.

“If you are unhealthy and unfit you may feel lazy or not interested in trying new things. 

“Adding certain ingredients to your diet may also help. Incorporating foods into your diet that are rich in zinc and magnesium may help increase the time it takes you to climax.”

7. Medication

Lastly, if you find you have exhausted self-help techniques – with some of them taking commitment and practice – it may be worth considering medication.

Treatment depends entirely on the cause, and some men are not suited to certain drugs.

For premature ejaculation, your GP may discuss options including Viagra or products with numbing agents, like condoms – both of which do not need a prescription.

You may be prescribed antidepressants, which, although for depression, have the surprising bonus of helping prevent early ejaculation.

For erectile dysfunction, a doctor may first advise you to clean up your lifestyle and lose weight.

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But beyond that, you may try phosphodiesterase, a group of medicines that include Viagra. This is prescribed on the NHS if you have an underlying condition, such as prostate cancer or diabetes. 

Abbas said: “Always speak to your GP or local Pharmacist about your symptoms and the best treatment options if this is something you’re worried about.”

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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