MANY women think that men have a higher libido than them, but this is certainly not always the case.
Sex and relationship expert Nadia Bokody lifted the lid on the sex myth that men are always wanting action – and said it can be “damaging” to assume they do.
nadiabokody/Instagram Sex and relationship expert Nadia Bokody said that it is a myth that men always want sex[/caption]
In her latest column for News.com.au, Nadia wrote how a friend had confided in her that she only has sex with her boyfriend six times a year and he doesn’t want it any more than that.
The friend had told her: “I want it constantly and he doesn’t. I don’t know what to do.”
Nadia wrote: “He’d had his hormone levels checked, spoken to a psychologist, and even tried a short stint in hypnotherapy, she went on to explain.
“But after those pursuits failed to turn up answers, she’d made a desperate ultimatum: he initiate more sex, or the relationship was over.”
Discussing the issue her friend had, Nadia continued: “We’re conditioned to believe men always want sex.
“Those who don’t are either suffering from a health condition or getting it elsewhere – ‘if he’s not having it with you, he’s having it with someone else,’ goes the adage.
“The implicit message is, a robust libido is synonymous with masculinity.
“This is problematic for a number of reasons, not the least being it places undue pressure on men to be hypersexual and suggests those who fall short at achieving this are somehow failing at the code of manhood.
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“It tells women, too, they should be concerned – terrified for the future of the relationship, even – if their husbands aren’t continuously attempting to bed them.”
Nadia said she is constantly asked as a relationships expert what constitutes a “healthy” amount of sex.
She said: “While I’m happy to share the statistical average for couples who attest to having satisfying sex lives (once a week, according to this study), I’ll never suggest there’s a correct quantity to be had. And I personally don’t think anyone should.
“I’d argue there’s nothing wrong with doing the deed just half a dozen times a year. But I also wouldn’t propose people who prefer it twice a day are unnaturally obsessed with sex.
“Where most couples run into an issue, is when one partner prescribes to the former, while the other is the latter.
“And unfortunately, in a culture that shrouds sex in so much shame and stigma, making honest conversations about desire incredibly difficult, this scenario isn’t entirely uncommon.
“The truth about men who don’t want a lot of sex isn’t that they’re unfaithful (though infidelity affects many relationships and plenty of men are indeed unfaithful, a lack of sex alone shouldn’t be seen as an indicator of this), it’s that they just don’t want a lot of sex.”
Nadia argued that it can even be “exceptionally damaging” to expect men’s bodies to relentlessly perform and it can harm “their relationships with women.”
She continued: “Sexual desire isn’t fixed; it occurs on a spectrum. Some of us have loads of it, some of us have very little, if not, none at all.
“Insisting there’s a correct place for anyone to sit on the scale perpetuates the medicalisation of people who don’t have a high interest in sex.
“That said, are there genuine health conditions, lifestyle factors and medication that can negatively impact a person’s sex drive? Of course. Chronic illness, stress and antidepressants, to name but a few.
“(And if you’re concerned, see your doctor, because this column certainly isn’t a replacement for medical advice).
“But, more often than not, if there’s a legitimate health concern at hand, it’s typically accompanied by a sudden drop-off or noticeable shift in a person’s normal levels of desire.
“In the case of my friend at the bar, whose partner had been satisfied with very sporadic sexual activity from the beginning of their relationship, this didn’t appear to be the case.
“Which is why I told her, in no uncertain terms, her options were to propose an alternate model (such as one in which she could be free to use the services of sex workers or casual partners to fulfil her unmet sexual needs), end the relationship, or get off her boyfriend’s case and invest in a really good vibrator.”
We shared how Brits are having sex with pals rather than one-night stands, research shows.
And these are the 15 biggest mood killers when it comes to sex.
Meanwhile, a woman makes brutally honest Tinder profile and is flooded with people wanting to date her.
nadiabokody/Instagram Nadia argued that it can even be ‘exceptionally damaging’ to expect men’s bodies to relentlessly perform[/caption]