Sexpert reveals the huge sex myth women need to know about men in the bedroom 0 167

MANY women think that men have a higher libido than them, but this is certainly not always the case.

Sex and relationship expert Nadia Bokody lifted the lid on the sex myth that men are always wanting action – and said it can be “damaging” to assume they do.

nadiabokody/Instagram Sex and relationship expert Nadia Bokody said that it is a myth that men always want sex[/caption]

In her latest column for News.com.au, Nadia wrote how a friend had confided in her that she only has sex with her boyfriend six times a year and he doesn’t want it any more than that.

The friend had told her: “I want it constantly and he doesn’t. I don’t know what to do.”

Nadia wrote: “He’d had his hormone levels checked, spoken to a psychologist, and even tried a short stint in hypnotherapy, she went on to explain. 

“But after those pursuits failed to turn up answers, she’d made a desperate ultimatum: he initiate more sex, or the relationship was over.”

Discussing the issue her friend had, Nadia continued: “We’re conditioned to believe men always want sex. 

“Those who don’t are either suffering from a health condition or getting it elsewhere – ‘if he’s not having it with you, he’s having it with someone else,’ goes the adage. 

“The implicit message is, a robust libido is synonymous with masculinity.

“This is problematic for a number of reasons, not the least being it places undue pressure on men to be hypersexual and suggests those who fall short at achieving this are somehow failing at the code of manhood.

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“It tells women, too, they should be concerned – terrified for the future of the relationship, even – if their husbands aren’t continuously attempting to bed them.”

Nadia said she is constantly asked as a relationships expert what constitutes a “healthy” amount of sex.

She said: “While I’m happy to share the statistical average for couples who attest to having satisfying sex lives (once a week, according to this study), I’ll never suggest there’s a correct quantity to be had. And I personally don’t think anyone should.

“I’d argue there’s nothing wrong with doing the deed just half a dozen times a year. But I also wouldn’t propose people who prefer it twice a day are unnaturally obsessed with sex. 

“Where most couples run into an issue, is when one partner prescribes to the former, while the other is the latter.

“And unfortunately, in a culture that shrouds sex in so much shame and stigma, making honest conversations about desire incredibly difficult, this scenario isn’t entirely uncommon.

“The truth about men who don’t want a lot of sex isn’t that they’re unfaithful (though infidelity affects many relationships and plenty of men are indeed unfaithful, a lack of sex alone shouldn’t be seen as an indicator of this), it’s that they just don’t want a lot of sex.”

Nadia argued that it can even be “exceptionally damaging” to expect men’s bodies to relentlessly perform and it can harm “their relationships with women.”

She continued: “Sexual desire isn’t fixed; it occurs on a spectrum. Some of us have loads of it, some of us have very little, if not, none at all. 

“Insisting there’s a correct place for anyone to sit on the scale perpetuates the medicalisation of people who don’t have a high interest in sex.

“That said, are there genuine health conditions, lifestyle factors and medication that can negatively impact a person’s sex drive? Of course. Chronic illness, stress and antidepressants, to name but a few. 

“(And if you’re concerned, see your doctor, because this column certainly isn’t a replacement for medical advice).

“But, more often than not, if there’s a legitimate health concern at hand, it’s typically accompanied by a sudden drop-off or noticeable shift in a person’s normal levels of desire.

“In the case of my friend at the bar, whose partner had been satisfied with very sporadic sexual activity from the beginning of their relationship, this didn’t appear to be the case.

“Which is why I told her, in no uncertain terms, her options were to propose an alternate model (such as one in which she could be free to use the services of sex workers or casual partners to fulfil her unmet sexual needs), end the relationship, or get off her boyfriend’s case and invest in a really good vibrator.”

We shared how Brits are having sex with pals rather than one-night stands, research shows.

And these are the 15 biggest mood killers when it comes to sex.

Meanwhile, a woman makes brutally honest Tinder profile and is flooded with people wanting to date her.

nadiabokody/Instagram Nadia argued that it can even be ‘exceptionally damaging’ to expect men’s bodies to relentlessly perform[/caption]

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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