I turned 60 but my sex life with toyboy Ben is as good as ever – it’s one of life’s great pleasures, says Vanessa Feltz 0 456

TURNING sixty last week came as a bit of a shock to me – I couldn’t quite believe it.

Only because I don’t feel the age at all.

vanessafeltzofficial/InstagramVanessa says her sex life with Ben is as strong as ever despite her turning 60[/caption] GettyVanessa has been with partner Ben since 2006[/caption]

I am still loving everything I used to like when I was 18, and that includes sex.

I say it time and time again, and no younger person believes me, but you don’t suddenly change into an old person.

You don’t wake up one day, and all of a sudden you’re a different person and you really want to wear elasticated-waist trousers and start using a Stannah lift.

Nothing has changed and that includes my sex life.

Why should it?

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My libido hasn’t increased but it hasn’t decreased.

I haven’t noticed a marked decline at all in that department, like I don’t with my appetite for chips or for buying some red stilettos.

It’s just like how people like chocolate, or Frank Sinatra’s music.

If you like it, you like it.

Mine and Ben’s sex life is still the same as when we first got together in 2006.

It’s never got to the point of having to take note of how often we have or haven’t done it.

There’s never been a fallow period at all — and if there were, it really would worry me.

That’s why I am always quite amazed when people say, “Oh yes, we haven’t done it in 18 months.”

I think, “God, wow, that is a long time.” Even if they say two months I think it is a long time.

There is no statutory amount for how many times you should do it.

But for us, I reckon it would be unusual if more than a week went by.

Because what else are you doing that is so important, for goodness sake? As business-woman Caprice Bourret quite rightly said, “How long does it take?”

It’s not the most time-consuming of activities, really, is it?

Even with a sexual athlete like Ben, who is 49, you can still find a little moment in your diary to fit it in.

Sex is one of the greatest things in life, just like food, music or travel. So it’s really a bloody shame if you’re not continuing to enjoy one of life’s great pleasures.

It’s good for physical health, it makes the heart beat faster, and if you join in with enthusiasm it’s physically active as well. Which makes life a hell of a lot better. That’s why sex hasn’t changed at all.

I am the same person as the day before and the day after my birthday, and that’s that.

For me, I am lucky enough to still fancy Ben and I think that is what is important.

I have been with him for 16 years now and when I look at him, there’s always the thought of “Bloody hell, what a marvellous- looking man.”

He looks incredible, in my eyes, and I honestly can’t fake that.

And there’s also the fun we have together.

‘Ben and I will switch it up in the bedroom’

Ben is unexpected — a bit saucy and intriguing — which is what keeps the excitement between us. I’m not saying all of every single minute he keeps me on the edge of my seat waiting to be enthralled. Obviously, that’s not right. But he excites me.

We don’t let things get too familiar, too mushy or wishy-washy.

WhatsApps are very useful for that. Instead of saying, ‘Don’t forget to defrost the chicken’ or, ‘You forgot to take the socks to the dry cleaner, you idiot’, we put something a bit saucy.

It doesn’t have to be obscene, but something a little bit suggestive — implying that sex is on the menu later on.

It’s creating that sexual climate, so there’s a pleasant atmosphere between you.

I don’t think anyone should ever let that go, no matter if you’re 20, 40, 60 or 80.

Ben and I will switch it up in the bedroom, too, instead of always doing the boring tried-and-tested formula.

It might be with what I wear, or what I don’t wear, the room that we’re doing it in, or the position.

Recently I was cooking dinner, and ended up leaving a vegetable trail into the bedroom for him. I was there waiting for him on the bed, in what I hope was an alluring position.

‘I’m all about lingerie’

Other times, I’ve left a note where his toothbrush is, which will read, ”I’m waiting upstairs for you”.

It takes about ten seconds to do. It’s not a big deal, it’s not theatrical or stupid.

And I’ve even bought a single punnet of strawberries, and said we will have dessert in bed tonight.

Obviously be careful of the bed sheets, though.

It’s all about just injecting a little bit of sauciness, which is slightly outside the normal repertoire.

Lots of women like to have sex on holiday. Why? Because they read sexy books on holiday, which inevit-ably put them in the mood for sex.

That’s why the TV drama Bridgerton was such a big hit.

You see them absolutely bonking their socks off, and then you think, ”I wouldn’t mind whatever she’s having.”

You’ve got to have a sexy environment to feel sexy.

Like in the shower, I might say something like, ‘I’ve dropped the soap, can you come and pick it up’.

And I’m all about lingerie as well. It makes you feel sexy, which makes it easier to be sexy.

Whatever it is, these are all devices to get the blood flowing to the inappropriate parts of your anatomy. And don’t underestimate the excellent contribution of scented candlelight.

Because everything looks a little bit sexier and a little bit less defined in candlelight.

It gets the whole thing kicked up a couple of notches.

We don’t hold back on locations, either.

I am quite keen on doing it in a crazy place.

As long as the horses aren’t frightened, nobody is offended or arrested, and you don’t end up in the paper, then I think it’s a good idea.

Any sort of spontaneity is always great.

That’s why I don’t really like to structure it in, either.

That’s the problem with date nights, they’re so orchestrated and there’s a feeling of being sentenced to do them.

You don’t want making love to be obligatory.

Sex is never at the end of the list of priorities either, and why should it be?

Once you’ve done it, you feel an empathetic feeling and affectionate.

The point is to realise when you do want to, and do it.

Not put it off for some other reason.

I’m not any kind of deranged sex maniac, definitely not.

But I think if you are lucky enough to have a partner that you find attractive, then show it.

If you enjoy it, then it’s a damn shame to let it go on to the back burner just because you feel too old.

Additional reporting: Yasmin Harish

GettyThe raunchy couple try to have sex across multiple rooms in the house[/caption] GettyVanessa says that sex is never at the bottom of her list of priorities[/caption] GettyThe couple still enjoy date nights together[/caption]

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Managing Relationships While Working in the Adult Industry 0 49

Navigating romantic relationships can be complex, and this complexity often intensifies when one or both partners are involved in the adult industry. In this guide, we’ll explore practical strategies for maintaining healthy relationships, fostering open communication, and addressing challenges that may arise when one’s profession involves adult entertainment.

1. Open Communication:

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, especially when working in the adult industry. Establishing open and honest communication channels helps build trust and understanding between partners.

Example: Provide communication tips, such as setting aside dedicated time for discussions, creating a judgment-free zone, and actively listening to each other’s concerns.

2. Establishing Boundaries:

Clearly defining and respecting boundaries is crucial for both partners. Discussing comfort levels, expectations, and limits ensures that both individuals feel secure in the relationship.

Example: Offer guidance on how to have constructive conversations about boundaries, emphasizing the importance of mutual consent and compromise.

3. Building a Support System:

Developing a robust support system is essential. This includes friends, family, or colleagues who understand and respect the nature of the profession and can offer support during challenging times.

Example: Share stories of couples who have successfully built strong support systems and provide tips on how to nurture these networks.

4. Trust and Transparency:

Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship but becomes even more critical when working in the adult industry. Being transparent about one’s work and addressing concerns promptly helps foster trust between partners.

Example: Illustrate the positive outcomes of trust-building actions, such as being open about work schedules, discussing potential challenges, and offering reassurance.

5. Educating Partners:

Sometimes, misunderstandings arise due to lack of knowledge. Educating partners about the adult industry, its dynamics, and dispelling common myths can promote a better understanding of the profession.

Example: Create a guide for individuals to share with their partners, explaining the realities of the adult industry, emphasizing the consensual nature of the work, and addressing misconceptions.

6. Coping with External Judgments:

Working in the adult industry often comes with societal stigma. Discuss strategies for coping with external judgments and maintaining a strong sense of self-worth within the relationship.

Example: Share empowering stories of individuals who have successfully navigated societal stigma, emphasizing self-love and resilience.

7. Seeking Professional Guidance:

Relationships can benefit from professional guidance. Encouraging couples to seek counseling or therapy when faced with challenges can provide a neutral space for communication and support.

Example: Highlight success stories of couples who have sought therapy to strengthen their relationship and provide resources for finding qualified professionals.

8. Planning for the Future:

Discussing future plans is vital for any couple. Addressing long-term goals, such as career transitions or family planning, helps both partners feel secure and invested in the relationship.

Example: Offer advice on creating a shared vision for the future, navigating career changes, and making joint decisions that align with both partners’ aspirations.

Conclusion:

Successfully managing relationships while working in the adult industry requires a combination of open communication, trust-building, and a proactive approach to addressing challenges. By fostering understanding, establishing clear boundaries, and seeking support when needed, couples can build strong, resilient relationships that thrive despite the unique demands of the profession. Remember, every relationship is unique, and adapting these strategies to suit individual needs is key to a fulfilling and supportive partnership.

Understanding and Navigating the World of Online Adult Content 0 60

The internet has transformed the way we access and consume information, including adult content. Navigating this vast and often complex digital landscape requires understanding, responsibility, and respect. In this guide, we’ll explore key aspects of online adult content, helping you make informed choices while ensuring a safe and enjoyable experience.

1. Diverse Platforms and Formats:

Online adult content is not confined to a single platform or format. From websites and streaming services to interactive content, understanding the variety available is essential.

Example: Differentiate between mainstream adult websites, premium subscription services, and emerging interactive platforms, providing a glimpse into the diverse options.

2. Privacy and Security:

Respecting privacy is crucial when engaging with adult content online. This includes understanding the importance of secure connections, anonymous browsing, and being mindful of personal data.

Example: Provide tips on using virtual private networks (VPNs), secure payment methods, and the importance of reading privacy policies on adult websites.

3. Responsible Consumption:

Consuming adult content responsibly involves being aware of ethical considerations. This includes consent, avoiding illegal content, and understanding the potential impact on relationships.

Example: Share stories or case studies illustrating the importance of responsible consumption and the potential consequences of engaging with non-consensual or illegal content.

4. Age Verification and Restrictions:

Most countries have regulations regarding the access to adult content, often requiring age verification. Understanding and complying with these regulations is vital for legal and ethical reasons.

Example: Provide a step-by-step guide on age verification processes on different platforms and emphasize the importance of adherence to legal requirements.

5. Impact on Mental Health:

Consuming adult content can have varying effects on mental health. It’s crucial to be aware of the potential impact and seek support if needed.

Example: Discuss the potential consequences of excessive consumption, addiction, or unrealistic expectations, and provide resources for mental health support.

6. Consent and Ethical Production:

Understanding the concept of consent extends to the production of adult content. Ethical consumption involves supporting platforms and creators that prioritize the well-being and consent of performers.

Example: Showcase initiatives or platforms that prioritize ethical production, emphasize performer rights, and provide fair compensation.

7. Balancing Fantasies with Reality:

Distinguishing between fantasy and reality is important when consuming adult content. Developing a healthy perspective on sexuality involves recognizing the difference between scripted entertainment and real-life relationships.

Example: Share anecdotes or expert opinions on how to maintain a balanced view of sexuality and relationships while consuming adult content.

8. Community and Education:

Online communities and educational resources play a role in promoting healthy discussions about adult content. Engaging with like-minded individuals and staying informed contributes to a positive online experience.

Example: Highlight reputable online forums or educational platforms where individuals can learn more about various aspects of adult content, share experiences, and ask questions.

Conclusion:

Navigating the world of online adult content requires a balanced approach, combining awareness, responsibility, and respect. By understanding the diverse landscape, prioritizing privacy and security, and promoting ethical consumption, individuals can ensure a positive and consensual online experience. Remember, responsible engagement contributes to a healthier digital environment for both consumers and content creators alike.

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