From ‘brewer’s droop’ to a nasty STI – Sun sexpert reveals 5 reasons why getting drunk before getting laid is a bad idea 0 86

ONE in five people who drink alcohol have signed up to Dry January and are taking a month off boozing.

But if the thought of being sober for sex terrifies you, you’re not alone.

Getty – Contributor81 per cent of us are too scared to have sober sex while 67 per cent have NEVER had booze-free passion with a new partner[/caption] AlamyA sex expert has warned that boozing before sex is a bad idea[/caption]

A whopping 81 per cent of us are too scared to get down and dirty without a little Dutch courage and 67 per cent have NEVER had booze-free passion with a new partner.

On the surface, alcohol is the ultimate sexual lubricant — helping us shed our inhibitions (as well as our clothes).

Yet it slows down the central nervous system, numbing every­thing below and inhibiting orgasm.

Want to ditch the drink and get drunk on love instead?

Here is our ultimate guide to sizzling sex without booze while readers reveal what it’s like going sober between the sheets and why, for some, drunken sex had dire conseqences . . . 

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GET comfortable with the kind of sex you want and don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Maybe this is something you’ve found tricky to do, which is why you prefer to use drink to lower your inhibitions.

Instead, normalise these desires and look at where your distortions came from.

Maybe it was when you were younger and your parents quickly turned the channel when a steamy sex scene came on TV.

Little things like this can add up and make us ashamed of our sexuality.

Why booze is a let down in love

BREWERS DROOP

IT is no secret that too much booze can cause problems for men getting – and keeping – it up.

Alcohol increases angiotensin, a hormone that causes blood vessels to narrow and which is linked to erectile dysfunction.

Men who regulary drink excess amounts of booze have a 60 to 70 per cent chance of suffering sexual problems, research shows.

INHIBITS ORGASMS

ALCOHOL depresses your central nervous system, numbing you down below and impeding your ability to feel sexual pleasure.

It does this by interfering with the signals between the brain and the nether regions.

After a heavy drinking session, fellas might find it harder to reach climax or could ejaculate too quickly, while women may find they struggle to orgasm or have less intense ones.

SUGAR SLUMP

BEER, wine, spirits and mixers are all laced with sugar, which can make you pile on the pounds.

The more overweight you become, the less sexual desire you feel and your libido suffers, according to studies.

DEPRESSANT

PEOPLE wrongly think alcohol is an aphrodisiac but over time it is a depressant which can impact every aspect of your life – including your sex drive.

Research shows those who are sexually satisfied lead healthier lifestyles and keep booze to a minimum.

UNSAFE SEX

WE are more likely to indulge in risky behaviour when we are drunk.
Several studies have shown there is a high correlation between alcohol and STDs.

Gonorrhoea is five times higher among women who binge drink when compared with women who do not drink at all.

GET FIT

NOT only does exercise help your mental health, it also releases happy hormones, which make you hornier and up your libido.

What’s more, couples who sweat together, stay together. Research shows exercising as a team builds relation­ship satisfaction and makes you feel closer.

It also boosts blood flow to the pelvic area, increasing your chances of orgasm.

PRACTISE EDGING

MEN can suffer from erectile dysfunction because they are anxious about their performance.

While it may be tempting to reach for a drink, the power is in your hands, as it were.

Practise “edging” in solo play or sex. Just as you’re about to orgasm, pause and stop the stim­ulation. Then, when you feel you’ve backed away from the edge of orgasm, you can continue.

The more you practise, the longer you’ll last in bed.

BUILD BODY CONFIDENCE

IF you have poor body image and hate being naked, learn to love yourself.

Stand in front of the mirror nude and tell yourself what you love then move on to the bits you like less and tell them you love them too.

Say: “I am beautiful and I am enough” while looking at yourself. Repeat these positive affirmations every day to boost your self-esteem.

ShutterstockSexy fruits such as strawberries are packed with vitamin C, which acts as a natural aphrodisiac by increasing blood flow down below[/caption]

SENSORY SEX

WHEN we are drunk, our senses and reactions are slowed down and we don’t notice smells, sounds and tastes as much — but these can be massively erotic.

Exciting your senses is a big trend for 2022, so there’s no better time to start.

Build a sexy song playlist and give your partner a sensual massage using hot candle wax from a massage candle.

You can also experiment with food play — sexy fruits such as strawberries are packed with vitamin C, which acts as a natural aphrodisiac by increasing blood flow down below.

You can up the ante by blindfolding your partner, heightening other senses.

SHARE FANTASIES

WRITE a sex bucket list about all the things you want to try with your passion partner and compare notes.

Break it down into three categories: Things you definitely want to do; things you might do and things you definitely don’t want to do.

If you’re too shy to say it out loud, email or text it to your partner instead.

GET APPY

SEXUAL wellness apps are a brilliant tool for those struggling for inspiration in the bedroom and don’t know where to start.

More than 165,000 people have downloadeded Lover (lover.io), to improve their sexual prowess.

Listen to it with your partner to build arousal or share what you have learnt by sending them a sexy voice note or email detailing exactly what you would like to do to them later.

TRY TANTRIC

TANTRIC sex is a great way to increase intimacy and tension and connect on a deeper level to enjoy more powerful orgasms.

Ditch the PJs and practise ten minutes of tantra in bed with your other half before you go to sleep a few times a week.

Synchronise your breathing with one another and slowly explore each other’s naked bodies with your hands but resist having intercourse.

While it may be hard, ahem, this will help build arousal, which will lead to bigger and better orgasms.

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

You can make it clear she is lying without playing her game, which would only escalate tensions and reflect badly on you.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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