I promise my boyfriend sex in return for doing the housework – I couldn’t enjoy romping knowing the dishes were dirty 0 240

SICK of your partner never helping around the house?

You’re not alone – women do over an hour more housework and childcare every day than men, according to a nationwide survey.

ShutterstockResearchers found men who reported doing more than a third of the housework got busy between the freshly washed sheets significantly more than couples where the woman did the majority of the chores[/caption]

But some women claim they have found a solution . . .  and it will boost your sex life.

US influencer Bri Dietz went viral when she revealed on Instagram that her husband Bobby can “get lucky” in the bedroom by doing his share of the housework.

While Bri’s “choreplay” attracted criticism for her “un-feminist” approach, a study discovered couples who share household tasks have more sex.

Researchers at Cornell University in the US found men who reported doing more than a third of the housework got busy between the freshly washed sheets, significantly more than couples where the woman did 65 per cent or more of the chores.

In an ideal world, we would split housework equally.

But sexpert Kate Taylor says: “If your partner occasionally needs prompting to pick up a vacuum cleaner, then choreplay is far more fun. And it is a lot less damaging than having a blazing row.”

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But it isn’t just women who promise to get down and dirty if their partner rolls up their sleeves and does the dishes.

Three couples, including a man who got his wife to pull her weight around the house, tell Anna Roberts and Alley Einstein how choreplay is a win-win.

‘Reward for the most jobs is a stay in hotel’

Beautician Nicola Dentith lives in Telford, Shrops, with her partner, 36-year-old former financial sector consultant Matthew Turner, and their four children from previous relationships aged 17, ten, eight and two.

Nicola, 35, says: “Managing four children on your own, having a full-time job and doing all the housework isn’t easy.

Ian DaviesNicola Dentith says: ‘We decided whoever did the most housework could pick a date night and go wherever – and do whatever – they wanted’[/caption]

But in March, that’s the situation I found myself in after moving in with Matthew, whom I’d got together with in September 2019.

I ended up doing most of the work. He should have offered to help, but I should have been more demanding with him too.

Resentment grew and I became more and more exhausted.

I still fancied him loads but one night, seething with fury, when he put the moves on me I flat-out refused.

“Not until you do more around the house,” I said.

Matthew didn’t think I was serious and gave me the cold shoulder.

But I was a woman on a mission.

So I stepped it up and gave him a list of jobs including hoovering and cooking.

I knew it would work – he’s so tenacious and competitive he can’t resist the idea of winning a bit of bedroom fun.

We decided whoever did the most housework could pick a date night and go wherever – and do whatever – they wanted.

We decided whoever did the most housework could pick a date night and go wherever – and do whatever – they wanted.

Nicola Dentith

We’ve upped the ante since then and now the reward is a night in a hotel once a month.

The person who chooses has done the most chores.

We laughingly call it “shags for bin bags”. I love it.

The house is so tidy and it’s made me feel in control of my relationship.

Plus, I’m not so exhausted and worn down.”

Matthew says: “Anyone who says that trading bedroom fun for chores is wrong is just silly.

“It solved arguments in our household and added a fun competitive element.

“I also realised just how hard Nicola worked. Men should do more around the house.

“I know many people will say we shouldn’t be rewarded for it.

“But we both enjoy great sex and are more aware of what stresses each of us out, which is something that’s worth its weight in gold.”

‘It’s empowering using sexuality to get him to do fair share of the work’

Dance teacher Jane-Charlotte Brooker lives in Westgate-on-Sea, Kent, with her care worker partner George Cio-Banu, 37, and her five-year-old son from a previous relationship.

Jane-Charlotte, 31, says: “Lying in bed last December I felt George’s arms reach around me.

David CummingsJane-Charlotte Brooker says: ‘For me it’s the ultimate act of feminist empowerment – using my sexuality to get what I want’[/caption]

“But I just couldn’t get in the mood – and I knew the reason why.

There were dirty dishes in the sink.

The bins also needed taking out and the living room had to be vacuumed.

The list of errands was running through my mind, stressing me out.

So I rolled over in a huff and we didn’t do it that night.

The next morning he got up and cleaned.

Within a few hours the house was spotless. That’s how our “sex for chores” game started.

We met in June last year and moved in together five months later.

Since then, we have got to know how each other lives – and crucially, who is messy and who isn’t.

But now, thanks to our choreplay arrangement, we rub along together easily.

I’ll tell George: “A new bin bag needs putting in . . . and I’ve bought massage oil.”

Some people might think it’s transactional and un-feminist that I have to bribe him to get him to do his fair share of the housework, but I don’t see it like that.

For me it’s the ultimate act of feminist empowerment – using my sexuality to get what I want.

I want to make love but I want work done around the house too, so choreplay puts me in the driving seat and reminds my man that we share menial household tasks.

For me it’s the ultimate act of feminist empowerment – using my sexuality to get what I want.

Jane-Charlotte Brooker

This way, the jobs I dread the most are done and we also get to spend some adult time together. It’s a win-win.

I feel better having sex because I am more relaxed and able to focus on him, and we both get a nicer home.

I even have special “do a chore for me” undies which I wear when I want George to do something.

Last week I got home from work, popped them on and told him he could join me in the bedroom if he swept the floor first.

This isn’t new – women have always used this technique.

It’s one I swear by and why I know our relationship will last.

Some of my friends are shocked and can’t believe how audacious I am.

But when one partner feels the other isn’t pulling their weight, passive aggressive resentment builds up which destroys relationships.

Some girls I’ve told about it have taken it on board and started doing it too – and seen great results.”

George says: “When Jane-Charlotte first showed me her matching lingerie set and told me to clean the kitchen and come upstairs, I was shocked.

“Now I love the fact she tells me when she is feeling frisky and what I must do to earn some extra bedroom points.

“I am great at deep-cleaning and Jane-Charlotte knows that. I also know if the jobs she hates doing aren’t done she won’t come to bed and will put off sex.

“Being with a woman who is so upfront about her needs and household chores is great.

“It means no arguments over cleaning, and you always know where you stand and when a night of passion is on the cards.”

‘I was so furious when he went on sex strike’

PHOTO studio manager Nik McCormack, 41, lives with her heating engineer husband Jamie, 43, and their children aged ten and eight, in Harlow, Essex.

She says: “Five years ago, something weird happened. Jamie suddenly said I wasn’t pulling my weight around the house.

David CummingsNik McCormack says: ‘I don’t mind earning my bedroom time with my man because it means we are both less stressed and focused on each other’[/caption]

I don’t know what prompted him to claim that – even though it was true – but he kicked up a real fuss and said I had to do at least 20 per cent of the chores.

It was a bit of a blow.

He knew what I was like when we married, but he did have a point.

Personally, I don’t massively care if things aren’t ship-shape and can easily turn a blind eye to a smeared mirror.

But Jamie claims tidying is therapeutic and says he can’t relax unless everything looks nice.

I tease that he’s like Mrs Hinch but let him get on with it.

I was hoping I could get away with some cursory dusting for a couple of weeks and he would forget I didn’t really do anything, but then he told me he was going on a sex strike until I did more.

Normally we make love five to six times a week so I was furious.

Wouldn’t that hurt him as much as me?

But he wouldn’t budge and explained unless I started actually putting in some effort I wouldn’t be getting any fun in the bedroom.

“I’m not giving you any choregasms,” he said.

I told my mates, expecting them to be annoyed on my behalf, but most said he had a point.

Even when I explained to them I was out most of the day at the photo studio and he worked fewer hours, they didn’t care.

They said I should appreciate Jamie for cleaning – and the women who did the majority of housework in their relationships were considering trying Jamie’s tactic.

I don’t mind earning my bedroom time with my man because it means we are both less stressed and focused on each other.

Nik McCormack

His threats worked.

After three days of no sex I relented. I love having sex with him.

He doesn’t always demand chores for sex. It’s usually when the house is especially messy and he is particularly busy at work.

He’ll then tell me it’s my turn to clean the kitchen, give me a list of rooms to tidy and tell me the fridge needs a once-over.

If I don’t do what I’m supposed to he will withhold sex. He is very particular and even tells me what cleaning items I should use.

Afterwards I am very well rewarded – so it’s worth it. And there’s something quite sexy about a bloke who knows his own mind.

I don’t mind earning my bedroom time with my man because it means we are both less stressed and focused on each other.

Jamie says: “I love cleaning – there’s nothing better than coming back to a neat home.

“There aren’t many men like me but I consider it very masculine to be a super cleaner.

“But Nik often lets the side down by leaving dirty dishes everywhere, not tidying up properly and leaving a mess in the bathroom.

“That’s why I use a sex ban to ensure she does her share.

“One night I’d got home from work and the house was a mess after I left it tidy. She was feeling amorous so I decided on a tough-love approach.

“It keeps the spark alive and reminds Nik how much effort I put into keeping the house looking great.

“I’m not fussed about what others think. I think some people turn up their noses but others will applaud me.”

Life of drudgery blunts libido

IF a couple aren’t getting on in the kitchen, they probably won’t be getting on in the bedroom either.

My mailbag is full of letters from men fed up with a lack of sex, and women seething that they get no help with chores.

Instead of buying sexy underwear or cooking a romantic meal, I often advise emptying the dishwasher, because a life of drudgery blunts anyone’s sex drive.

So if you are worn down by the chores, childcare or admin, explain how you would really appreciate some help around the house.

If you’re wondering why your partner isn’t ever in the mood, sort out the washing unprompted.

You will be amazed at how appreciative they are.

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My bitter ex told lies to my friends about my ‘small manhood’ after I dumped her 0 40

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger.

She never complained when we were together, but last week she told the girls in our group that being with me was “like kissing a soggy lettuce leaf” and that she “literally didn’t feel a thing when we were having sex” because I’m so small.

My ex is so bitter about being dumped that she is spreading nasty rumours around our friendship group – saying I’m rubbish in bed and have a small todger

I’m 25 and she’s 24. I think part of it is jealousy.

She knows a couple of the other girls fancy me and I think she’s trying to sabotage any chance I have with them.

Not that I’m even planning anything.

She’s so insecure and has a vicious tongue on her.

I’m tempted to let each of her so-called friends know what she really says about them in private.

Even her best friend gets a nasty critique every time she posts anything on Instagram.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Her top is either too short, or her hair looks like wire, or her laugh is fake . . . it goes on and on.

I don’t regret splitting up with her but this last trick has really infuriated me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let yourself stoop to her level.

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You could maybe reply with: “Let’s just say she never complained when we were together and nor have any of my other exes.”

Your friends will soon see her behaviour for what it is – jealous insecurity.

My partner said he was on a work trip – but he was actually getting married and on his honeymoon 0 28

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.

Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.

My partner lied about his work trip – he was really on his HONEYMOON

I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.

When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.

He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.

He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.

Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.

He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.

The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.

Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.

My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.

Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.

But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.

Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?

I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.

This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.

It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.

He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.

Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.

Start to put down your boundaries.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.

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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.

I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.

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